A friend recently blogged through some “Things About Me” questions that she had been tagged in. She tagged me, I felt honored and figured, why not? I had been having trouble thinking about what to write about this week anyway, so thank you Jaci for helping me with writer’s block!
Instead of doing it interview style, I’m going to just go through it as a string of thoughts.
1. My life is… actually pretty much how I would have imagined it would turn out.
It’s funny. When asked if my life turned out the way I thought it would, I always feel like I need to immediately respond, “No!” Because that seems to be the expected answer. As if that is life’s common and cruel joke, to say to each of us, “Haha! You thought it would be this way, but it’s not. It’s that way.” Many times life does say this. To all of us. Of course there are winds and bends on the roads of my life that have taken me to unexpected places. But as far as the big picture goes, if I’m honest: I am exactly where I imagined I would be. Most of my life I knew that I had a heart for motherhood. And I’m pretty sure that as young as 14, I had a strong sense that I was going to end up in some sort of ministry capacity one day. I told my parents most of my life that I was not going to marry rich, that I would probably be someone who lived a simple life, and when I was in college I started telling my friend Beth, “I have a feeling I’m going to marry a missionary or a pastor one day.” And here I am! A simple, (local) missionary’s wife, who stays home full time with our daughter.
2. As a mother, you do a lot of good things that go unseen. And unappreciated. Come to think of it, the same was true of when I was in full-time ministry. It is a very humbling thing. And humbling things are good for humans.
3. When out with girlfriends, my drink of choice is almost always white wine. A Sauvignon Blanc, perhaps? Or if it’s a girl’s night in, Trader Joes Vino Verde! Yum. But sometimes I like a nice red. A yummy medium-bodied shiraz with a nice hint of blackberry and dark chocolate. Or an oaky, but not too buttery Chardonnay? Oh whatever, I just like wine and that’s what I drink with my girlfriends.
4.My blog came about from the prodding of a few friends. I had several people mention to me that I should start a blog, and I didn’t think I had any interest. I said, “What do I have to write about that people would care to read?” But finally when I got pregnant my friend Taylor said, “Now you have something to write about!” So I had started out writing about pregnancy, with an emphasis on my experience of gaining so much weight in a culture that values skinny (hence the blog title). And I realized that writing was so life-giving to me. I loved it. It helped me process and de-stress. And people happened to care about what I had to say. Thus started my love of this beautiful hobby and gift.
5. I’ve learned a lot about myself that has surprised me. For one (as mentioned above ^), I learned that I can write and that people care about what I have to say. I’ve learned through motherhood that I am both more selfish than I thought I was, and yet can be more selfless than I thought I could be. I’ve learned recently that I have wounds deeper than I realized that have watered my fear of not being enough. That my self-worth is lower than I thought it was. That I need my Savior’s healing hand in significant ways. That I don’t really believe a lot of the things He says about me. This has really surprised me. I think I didn’t realize it because our culture tells us that insecurity is so un-attractive, that we must never reveal it so I’ve just held it in and wouldn’t let myself face the depths of it.
I’ve learned that I am more introverted than I used to let myself accept that I was, and that is ok. I’ve learned that my laid back nature is actually a gift in some jobs (like motherhood), even though it felt like such a liability in others.
6. I love to cook, read about cooking, think about food, and eat food as a hobby outside of blogging :). I enjoy researching (strangely?)- Mostly about psychology, nutrition and health/medical stuff and sometimes about housing or vacations. I love to read (I am currently reading “Brain on Fire” and highly recommend it! Very compelling, fascinating, and well written.)
7. If money were no question, I would buy a beautiful house with a big yard and then hire someone to decorate it (decorating is not my thing). I would also buy organic and local groceries.
8. Sometimes I think my biggest struggle in life is wanting to eat all of the food but also wanting to be healthy. Wanting to eat bacon wrapped dates with beef bourguignon and chocolate mousse, but also wanting to be fit and healthy and active. Wanting crusty golden bread and melty cheese with every meal, but (seemingly) having gluten and dairy intolerances.
But really my biggest struggle in life is probably believing that I am enough.
Instead of tagging people, I’m just going to say if you’re a reader of this blog, I’d love to see your answers to these questions. If you decide to use this as a blog post, leave your link in the comments section, and I will try to check it out 🙂
(I just realized that I missed a question. It was “What do you love about yourself?” But instead of going back and adding it, I am just going to forgo that one, and leave you with Jaci’s answer because it cracked me up: “That part of my elbow that looks like elephant skin. Beautiful.” I knew I had a friend crush on her for a reason!)