This morning we had a moment. Another one of those “I want to bottle this up” moments. It was early in the morning. You were watching Mickey and I was drinking my 2nd cup of coffee in a zombie-like manner. I looked over at you and you were just so beautiful. You were laying down in just your diaper with your head on the throw pillow and a blanket only pulled over your knees. I couldn’t help it. I put my coffee down and lay down with you. I wrapped my arm around you and lay my head on your chest. You would think I would be too heavy for you to hold me, but you didn’t seem to mind at all. We laid there for about 10 or 15 blissful minutes. I felt the steady rise and fall of your chest, listened to the rhythmic thumping of your heart, and breathed in your powdery smell. And I was just completely captivated. Enthralled. Smitten.
Sweetheart, I am just so in love with you. I’m drawn in by you. Just entirely entranced, mesmerized, and enamored.
The way I feel about you is so powerful, I knew that I needed to write it down for you to read one day. Because I want you to know how lovable and wanted you are. It would be easy for me to keep this sweet moment to myself, feeling satisfied simply in the ways that you overwhelm me with delight.
And I almost did just that, held it in. But then I realized that I don’t want you to be a 28 year old who struggles to believe she is lovable. Who has difficulty accepting her husband’s love. Or her Savior’s love. Who believes she is no one’s preference. Who battles self-loathing and self pity. Who struggles to love herself or to even like herself. Who could not imagine the thought of someone being “enthralled” or “overwhelmed” in delight of her.
I don’t want you to be 28 year old me.
I want you to be secure. I want you to live freely in acceptance of the beauty that you are!
I know that I cannot control all the experiences you will have in your life, what you are exposed to, what people will say or do to you or what messages you will receive from them. I cannot control how you see yourself as you get older.
But I want you to see how I see you. How I experience you. I don’t ever want to cease to tell you how much you are loved and enjoyed. And I pray that in some small way, God will use my words to show you your worth, and write His message of love on your heart.
I love you Little Goose. I love you so much that it moves me and motivates me and melts me.