In Defense of the iPhone Mom

Earlier today, I saw something going around Facebook called something like “Dear Mom on the iPhone.” If you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you’ve at least seen or read something similar at some point. It goes something like this:

“Dear Mom on the iPhone…Your little girl is spinning round and round, making her dress twirl. She is such a little beauty queen already, the sun shining behind her long hair. She keeps glancing your way to see if you are watching her.

You aren’t.

Your little boy keeps shouting, ‘Mom, MOM watch this!’ I see you acknowledge him, barely glancing his way.

He sees that too. His shoulders slump, but only for a moment, as he finds the next cool thing to do.”

OK I get it, I really do. We live in an age that is so technology obsessed, that we are at risk of missing out on real life. We suffer with the tyranny of the urgent, which often causes us to miss out on the important. Just as iPhones make it easier to stay connected to social networks and emails, they also make it easier to miss what is happening right in front of our noses. Push notifications make us feel needed and important, and as if we never have to miss out on anything. They can sometimes demand and own all of our attention. I agree that this can be a legitimate concern for our culture. It can threaten our relationships with our friends, our spouse, and of course, our children. And at times I have felt convicted that I need to stay offline while Riley is awake and on some days I do a really good job at it! (and other days, not so great).

But here’s what I don’t get: why are there always so many negative posts and chastisements toward mothers when it comes to parenting, but very little positive reinforcements and encouragement? Why are there so many articles, blog posts, open letters gone viral, etc. that fuel mom guilt? Other mothers out there know what I mean when I say “mom guilt.” It seems to be something we naturally, instinctively have and wrestle with the minute our first child is born. We don’t really need condemning articles and opinions on discipline, being a working mother, daycare, domesticity, creative parenting, and technology use to get our guilty conscience to kick into gear. Even if they are written in the name of godly conviction.

A guilty reminder that we might miss a moment with our child is honestly not what we need. It is not going to be the grace-fueled motivation we need to pursue godly parenting.

Let’s say this hypothetical iPhone mom is a SAHM (stay at home mom). Let me tell you something about her, that I know from experience:

Know what she has a lot of? Sweet moments watching her children do things like spinning around in their dresses or watching them show off or watching as they bring you something they just discovered. Moments to play with her baby on the floor, read a book over and over again with excited inflections, moments of teaching them the sounds that animals make and about the clouds that our Creator designed. Moments of laughter and tickle fights and hugs and kisses. And for this reason, she is thankful that she has the opportunity to stay at home full time with her child(ren).

But do you know what she doesn’t have a lot of? Time to herself. Time to respond to an email. Time to read the News or thought provoking articles on culturally relevant and important topics.

So let’s just say that after a long day (or string of days) of playing “hide-and-go-seek” and dress up and Legos, and fort building and teaching shapes and sounds and singing, “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” she takes her kids to the park so that they can play by themselves, exercising their imaginations, twirling in their dresses, climbing the monkey bars, and swing while she breathes in some fresh air, sits down by herself, and browses some articles and catches up on some emails. I say good for her. Because you know what? She needs a break. For the love, just give her one! Stop judging her parenting for one mili-second.

And if she’s on Facebook and Twitter or Instagram? Well let me tell you something else about SAHM on her iPhone. She doesn’t have co-workers that she can complain about her boss with or laugh at the ironic typo in the memo that was just sent out to the whole office. She doesn’t have a peer in the cubicle beside her to have an adult conversation or relatable moment with. So if, while her child(ren) are playing joyfully at the park, she checks her networks for a sigh of relief that there are other mom’s out there she knows whose child just pooped in the bath or who have only had 2 hours of sleep and find themselves putting the milk in the pantry and the cereal in the fridge, I say good for her. Because you know what? She needs that.

Give a sister a break.

Where are the blog posts and articles and open letters that say things like, “Hey mom that is singing a song out loud in public with your child, you’re doing a good job!” or “Hey mom that is working and putting your child in daycare trying to provide for your family, you’re doing a good job!” or even “Hey mom who is about to lose it because you’ve been up to your neck in laundry and dishes and tantrums and teething and spilled milk and poopy diapers, for crying out loud put your kids in front of the TV for a few minutes, take a hot shower, brush your hair and check your email BECAUSE THAT IS OK!!!”

I’m just saying I’d like to read those posts.

Because as much as our kids do need our undivided attention and affection, they don’t need the entire universe to revolve around them. Because as much as they need moms to teach them and listen and be a part of their day, they also need to learn how to entertain themselves, and play with other kids and siblings. Because moms need to eat, and pee, and talk to a friend or have time with their spouse and the kids need to learn that they don’t have the trump card at all times to interrupt and demand everyone’s full attention.

And because sometimes you just need to grab your iPhone to send a text like this, so you don’t feel alone:


Rant over.

I feel better. πŸ™‚




  1. Lene says:


    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks, I’m so glad you thought so!

  2. emily says:

    I’m in tears with relief. Thank you. Thank you.

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m so glad it was encouraging, thank you for commenting! It’s so great to know there are other mamas out there who can relate πŸ™‚

      1. I agree. As a mother of dour with each one born in four different decades those being 1978, 1989.1995. 2003 it just makes me feel less guilty as I’m an over protective mom and as you can see there is quite an age difference in all four of mine and I wouldn’t have it any other way, it seems some people judge with no idea of what it’s like not to have a moment to yourself, of course I’d rather have them than that moment, but why not both. Us moms need to stick together.

    2. Beth says:

      Oh my goodness, YES. I almost cried. Relief is a great way to put it.

  3. Nicole says:

    Love LOVE LOVE this. I feel like I am spending more time defending myself as a parent than being praised or praising myself for my accomplishments!

    1. krys593 says:

      I know, isn’t that so exhausting? I’m glad you enjoyed this πŸ™‚ I hope you (and I) find freedom to celebrate the accomplishments! Thanks for commenting.

  4. michele says:

    yeah, totally about cried reading this. I never really looked at it this way, but I totally feel that way!! Thanks for the post!

    1. krys593 says:

      Oh I’m so glad you found it encouraging! Hang in there mama, you’re doing great! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  5. Angie M says:

    Thank you! As a SAHM who currently just sat down for the first time since I got up this morning: Thank you!

    1. krys593 says:

      It is a busy job and a lot of work (although totally worth it!) Glad that we can come together and encourage each other as mamas to take a breather and sit down to rest for a bit πŸ™‚

  6. SewSara says:

    Thank you!!!! Couldn’t agree more! Well said. I can totally relate.

    1. krys593 says:

      It’s so nice and refreshing to see so many mamas come together and relate in this! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  7. Clover says:

    Thank you so very much for this post. I literally had steam coming out my ears when I read the original admonishment on the Facebooks the other day. You never know that other mom’s story….

    1. krys593 says:

      Me too! I got so angry, not even just for myself but for all my other mama friends out there who are constantly exhausted in trying to “measure up” to this perfect standard in their head or that is imposed on them for their parenting. I just wanted to give all of us a voice. Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  8. Jen says:

    This is the best post I’ve ever read. Thank you!!!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks for saying that and encouraging me! Glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

  9. CEltonMomma says:

    Thank You for this! My kids wake up around 5:30 every morning and my 2.5 year old has no interest in cartoons at all 😦 my grandmother moved in with us so I could rake care of her. Between feeding, bathing, changing, cleaning, & entertaining this SAHM has no time and I’m at my witts ends right now. I hate that I am always feeling judged and that I should do better everyday.

    1. krys593 says:

      Girl, you have your hands full! I pray for relief and rest for you. Soldier on mama! Sounds like you are doing a great job, hang in there. Let yourself sit and breathe and laugh and know that there are so many of us out there that can relate. 5:30 am, phew! My daughter does that sometimes too, it is an ungodly hour for sure πŸ™‚

  10. Carrie says:

    Thank you for what you have posted here. Mothers judge other mothers because they are not happy with their own situations. So, if you question your own parenting your probably doing a great job… If you think you have no room for improvement then maybe there should be. We should be encouraging and patting each other on the back!

    1. krys593 says:

      Amen! That is very insightful, wow. Thanks for saying that! ” if you question your own parenting your probably doing a great job… If you think you have no room for improvement then maybe there should be.” <–So much truth right there.

    2. Lynn says:

      I hate that saying. There are all those posts telling me I shouldn’t feel guilty and I should let go of the mom guilt. Then there are comments telling me that if I think for even a moment I might be doing a good job, I’m not. There is no reprieve.

  11. Another SAHM says:

    Thank you so much for putting out the reassurance that I needed as a SAHM. It’s hard work – and you know what, I’m a person and have needs too. Thanks for validating that when it does feel like mothers are constantly under attack for not being enough.

    1. krys593 says:

      It’s true, I swear that “mommy world” is the most judgmental group I have ever been a part of in my life. It is brutal! We need to be encourage and lifted up by other moms who can relate. We need more relaxing and laughs through this imperfect adventure that honestly no one has figured out. We moms are human, and we have the right to be human. Thanks for commenting SAHM! Soldier on hard worker!

  12. Jenni says:

    Here here! I hope THIS one goes viral, cuz I can totally relate. I have enough mom guilt intrinsically – I don’t need any help in that department. What I DO need is time to myself so I can be a whole enough person so I don’t take out my frustrations on my kids. Those breaks are for my sanity (and consequently, their safety). Moms need to be humans too.

    1. krys593 says:

      Yes! We are humans, so it’s ok to act like we are :). And guess what? It has gone viral! Your wish came true :). So crazy! Just goes to show you how much we mamas can relate and need to be encouraged and given permission to breathe, laugh and be human.

      Thanks for commenting!

  13. kerrycottrell says:

    that was awesome…perfect, even…thank you for putting it into words for others to read…!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thank you for your encouragement :). I’m glad you enjoyed reading it!

  14. christina says:

    Amen!!!! Cant tell u how many times I have felt this exact way!!!!

    1. krys593 says:

      Glad to know we’re not alone! πŸ™‚

  15. Karen says:

    Thank you. You eloquently said what I know so many women feel. We need to lift each other up and not condemn each other based on one moment. THANK YOU!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it :). Thanks for commenting.

  16. Maegan says:

    Here Here! I proudly “admit” to being the Kindle mom at the playground. The playground is for the kiddos. And guess what? My head moves!

    1. krys593 says:

      haha, love it! πŸ™‚

  17. Samantha says:

    I LOVE this! Thanks for making me feel a little less crazy today πŸ™‚ It feels so amazing to know someone gets me. I am a WAHM with two beautiful girls and yes, when I know I have played, fed, changed, loved, and nurtured I set them free for playtime and I get my blog reading/facebooking on!

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m so glad it helped you today :). We totally get each other, it is so nice to know that! It makes me breathe in relief to know that other’s relate. That we all need this and can encourage each other. Thanks for commenting!

  18. Carrie Lorimer says:

    I was in tears reading this. My daughter is 5onths old and I’m a SAHM. I had a 12 year career at a non profit organization for 12 years before she was born. We had to relocate from AZ to TX for my husbands job. My life dramatically changed and I’m still trying to get used to it. While I LOVE being home with my daughter, it’s not always peaches and roses and it’s nice to have a few moments during the day to breathe. I was in Kohls yesterday for 10 minutes until my daughter started crying. I normally would leave the store but on this day, and all week long I have dealt with a fussy baby who has been teething and battling sleep. The moment she started crying, I just didn’t care. I knew she wasn’t hungry, her diaper was clean and she had been given a fresh dose of Tylenol and there was nothing that would stop her from crying. I wanted to try on clothes and look at house stuff and while I’m sure people were looking at me thinking I was a bad mom, at that moment, I just didn’t care. I needed to do something for myself. Thank you for sharing this and for putting your heartfelt convictions into words. I hope this gets some conversations started. -Carrie

    1. Jessie says:

      I feel you! My baby is only five weeks old and of course I love my little baby, but sometimes I really miss my “old life” (I’m a dancer and some days I’d give anything to get out the house and go take a ballet class and feel “normal” and healthy again). Maybe it’s vain but when I look in the mirror and see my stretch marked body I feel maimed, and I just want to cry! Hang in there mama, you’re not alone!

      1. krys593 says:

        I totally understand how you feel! That was hard for me in the beginning too. It took me awhile to lose the baby weight and that was a huge struggle for me. Like you said, I just wanted to feel normal and healthy again and it was hard to adjust to the new changes in my body, like stretch marks. I think I learned so much from that in the end that was beautiful and sweet, but I think that as mamas we just need to hear that it is normal and ok to struggle with these things!! There are so many of us that can relate to each other in the hard stuff!

    2. Kelly says:

      Actually, she isn’t. She needed that time to do something for herself. She checked that her child was okay and that it was something she could not fix. She tried on some clothes, she took some time needed to make sure that she could still cope without losing it. That is not a fail. Essentially telling her she is a poor parent – well from this grandma aged mom, that to me is the fail.

      1. krys593 says:

        I went ahead and deleted that awful, mean comment that person had left toward that her. Thanks for defending her! I will not allow comments like that on this blog, attacking mothers when that is the very thing I wrote this against.

  19. Shannon says:

    Wonderful! And thank you. From all mothers.

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m glad you liked it :). Thanks for commenting!

  20. Chris Zable says:

    Amen, sister! (Sent from my iPhone 8^)

  21. In the book “What to Expect When no ones expecting,” the author dispelled the myth and therefore expectation, that parents in the past who spent more time at home actually spent more time with kids . Are you screwed up because your mom was sewing instead of laying attention to you each and every second? We have very unrealistic expectations for modern parents and still not enough respect for parents of the past .

  22. Kelly Gentle says:

    Thank you for this. I didn’t do the whole “Share” with the mom with the iphone story because I didn’t feel it was warranted. I am a stay at home mom, I run a home based business and my business is my phone and I do occassionally need that alone time from the kids and it doesn’t make us bad parents to take that alone time! I love my kids with all my heart, nothing I wouldn’t do for them, but you can only take so much of “mickey mouse club house” and “mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom,….” and anyone who claims otherwise is fooling themselves and certainly isn’t fooling me!

    1. krys593 says:

      Oh my gosh, if I have to hear, “Mickey Mouse clubhouse! Come inside, it’s fun inside! M-i-c-k-e-y M-o-u-s-e…” ONE more time… I might lose my mind. πŸ™‚ Yes anyone who claims otherwise is fooling themselves, I agree. It’s so good for kids to have to learn to play on their own and with each other. You are not doing them a disservice by having them do that. Thanks for commenting!

  23. amy says:

    I love this so much. Thank you, thank you for posting this!!

    1. krys593 says:

      So glad you liked it! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  24. ddl6 says:

    Great post and I absolutely agree with you. Thanks for saying it.

    1. krys593 says:

      It’s great to know we’re not alone in thinking this/feeling this way! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  25. ethansmama32 says:

    I love this post. Thank you. That is all. πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m so glad! Thank you for telling me πŸ™‚

  26. Kira says:

    Almost cried. I feel so much relief. Thanks for the encouragement!

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m so glad! Geez, us mamas just need this! We need to know we’re not alone and that others relate. We need to know that we are human and it is OK to act and live like a human. I’m thankful that you feel relieved and encouraged. Thank you for encouraging me in return by telling me that πŸ™‚

  27. Michelle says:

    Oh my gosh I love you for posting this. This is exactly what I was thinking when I saw that message going around on facebook. Sometimes we need to stick up for ourselves and each other asnd stop making ourselves feel bad every time we take a minute to be a human being again. Love it!

    1. krys593 says:

      Haha awesome, I love you for commenting that! That is what I was hoping when I wrote this, that I could be a voice not just for myself, but for all of the other mamas out there that I know and love who are just constantly plagued by feeling like they are not enough and are not doing enough. We are human, and have the right to be and I just wanted to offer that sweet truth to help us all breathe and rest :).

  28. Kristin says:

    Thank you! Mom guilt is a live and kicking at all times. This is such a good reminder that sometimes us mom’s need a break and our kids need some independence!

    1. krys593 says:

      Yep, we sure do! And so do they! It is so good for kids to learn to play by themselves and with each other. And good for us too :).

  29. bossymommy says:

    You ask where those “You’re doing a great job” posts are? I happened to write one a few weeks back! Pretty much the same message as yours, only you say it much better than I do! I loved yours, by the way. What a great “come-back.” πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      Just read it and loved it! Thanks for writing that! I look forward to reading more of your blog πŸ™‚

  30. “Hey mom who is reading this blog post while your child is finally practicing the piano after fifteen minutes of negotiating…you’re doing a good job!”

    Great post!

    1. krys593 says:

      Haha, there you go! Thanks πŸ™‚

  31. aacerson says:

    Thank you! I read the exact post you are talking about, and as a SAHM to a 12 month old, I felt A LOT of guilt. While I was reading, I knew I shouldn’t feel that guilt, because I also knew everything you’ve just explained in this post, but it’s hard to squash mommy guilt once it rears it’s ugly head. Thanks for posting. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way!

    1. krys593 says:

      Mommy guilt can definitely be ugly. I mean, conviction is one thing, but this kind of guilt just PLAGUES us, lies to us, tells us we can never do enough or be enough, and prevents us from living in freedom and grace. It is nice to know we’re not alone, I mean look at all of the comments! We are in the same boat mamas.

      Thanks for commenting :).

  32. The Barista says:

    i agree with this post 100%. I think an important point you make is that we shouldn’t judge what we see and assume what we THINK is happening because we don’t know other peoples situations. The only thing would say is if posts like “Dear Mom on the Iphone” do make you feel guilty, its important to try and touch on WHY. Where is that guilt coming from? I know for me that guilt comes up because of the fear of knowing there is some truth behind it. I can admit I tend to have an addiction to technology and its gone through my head many times the lack of attention I give my child and knowing I could be better at it. I feel like if I KNEW and could stand my ground that I was doing my absolute best or that those times were really my only moments in the day to check my emails or do something, then I don’t think I’d feel guilty because I’d be confident in my situation. Like it sounds you are. I used to be a SAHM so I am very familiar with the need for own time. I don’t think articles like that should effect every mom, some might need to hear it and some don’t. Sometimes I do and my guilt makes me aware of those times. So we cant judge that author just like we cant judge every mom because we each will perceive it approprately to our own situations.

    1. The Barista says:

      PS I think a more effective way to relate to people or influence them is to write from a personal point of view, like you did above, versus a blaming, pointing the finger point of view like the “Dear Mom on the iphone article” did. People can relate more when they aren’t feeling attacked themselves. I was inspired by a very women who did that way in her blog which caused me to become more truthful with myself about my addiction and situation. here’s my post

      1. krys593 says:

        Just read your blog post above, wow, thanks for sharing such an honest and vulnerable thing! I appreciated how real you were. I look forward to reading more of your blog! πŸ™‚

    2. krys593 says:

      Yea totally, I think asking the “why” is a great point! And there was truth to the iPhone mom open letter and the concerns with over-use of technology today. I love what you said about how things like that shouldn’t effect every mom, some need to hear it and some don’t- yes! What I am not trying to do is create a place/mindset where we just go on and justify everything we do as if we don’t do anything wrong as moms, definitely not. I can relate in that there have been definite times when I have known that I need to cut back on technology and be more present. I think we each know in our own lives when we need to cut back. But we never really seem to hear about when it’s ok. I think conviction and guilt are different. Conviction is a good sense that clears our vision to see our wrong and propels us into action that is right and good. But guilt can be this plaguing weight that drives us into shame, discouragement and defeat. As a Christian, I believe that we are saved and freed by grace and so that allows us to live in grace rather than fear of not being enough. And I just know so many mama friends who live on this constant treadmill of trying to be supermom, always fearful of not being a good enough mom and so many of the messages around us about parenting continue to fuel this bound and almost slave-driven way of parenting and it just breaks my heart. So many mamas who love their kiddos (although imperfectly) so fully and well are always questioning themselves, always beating themselves up, always exhausted. I hoped to be a voice of hope, freedom, and a breath of fresh air. To give the go-ahead to be human and OK with it :). Thanks for commenting in such a thoughtful, articulate way!

      1. The Barista says:

        thank you for taking the time to reply. I agree about some people beating themselves up too much in the strive to be supermom. I do think that there needs to be more praise and support and less competition. Without other moms we’d all go crazy. It’s like not only are we competing with other moms but we are competing with our own moms. We are so afraid of “messing up our children” like we think our parents may have messed up that we don’t give ourself any slack or forgiveness . The one thing I had an epiphany on though is that my child is his own person. Sometimes I think I can control how he is feeling and what he is thinking or how he perceives things and in reality I don’t really know sometimes. I tend to think everything I’m doing could be ruining him. Am I doing something too less or too much. Am I too messed up or too perfect. Truth is, my perception of what he may be thinking or feeling is just that…. MY PERCEPTION! not his. and i think a lot of the times we tend to push our perceptions onto our children or think we can control their thoughts, feelings and own perceptions and we cant. That can definately cause lots of guilt shame and defeat like you said. The one thing I know we CAN do is talk to our children. Hear and understand how THEY are feeling. What they want/need from us. Validate their feelings and maybe even explain to them what is going on with us too to an extent (i said tutu). Therefore that open communication can lead to a better understanding for BOTH parties and will also encourage it to continue as they grow. I am in counseling with my fiance and the tools we learn to better communicate and relate to each other should definately be used more with our son as well. We have a relationship with him too and its just as important for him to heard and seen. Again thank you for your article and your response and I look forward to reading your blog more as well. Keep doing what you are doing. xoxo

  33. Kara says:

    Best post I’ve read in a long time. As I’m sitting outside with my 4 babies playing with each other I actually cried because you are perfectly right!!

    1. krys593 says:

      Aww, I’m so glad it encouraged you! What a sweet picture of your 4 babies playing together :). And sweet time for you to breathe and relax. Thanks for sharing that with me!

  34. THANK YOU! You really articulated that there is validity to spending great quality time with my kids, AS WELL as having moments to myself too. I appreciate your insights! And I too have the “shape” song in my head all the time.

    1. krys593 says:

      Hahaha, I’m glad that I’m not the only one that gets that song in my head! Thanks for commenting :). I’m going to check your blog out too!

  35. mo says:

    Hey SAHM, I didn’t work full-time until my kids were in full day school, I think 3rd and 5th grade, and I had a very flexible job about 2 minutes from my home. I didn’t have an Iphone because it was the early 90’s! But I had a book or a magazine when I took them to the park…..or whatever. I didn’t see everything they wanted me to see, but I watched them sleep every night, I watched them grow into fine men, they are 25 and 27 now, and the magazine I was reading while they were going down the slide didn’t hurt them at all. People will always judge, the women that are judging you are probably daughters of the women that judged me. Screw them all! Check your facebook Mom, the kids will be fine!
    Mo- a 60 year old Mom that knows a thing or two about kids!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thank you,comment! I just told my husband that it was such a sweet gift that an older, wiser mom would encourage those of us currently in the trenches in the way that you did πŸ™‚

  36. Rachel says:

    This is amazing! Thank you!!!!

    1. krys593 says:

      Glad you enjoyed it!

  37. Thank you for this! Judgemental parents need to chill out. Can’t we all just relax?!

    1. krys593 says:

      I know really! πŸ™‚ Glad you liked it.

  38. I love it. Thanks for sharing some true feelings I’ve had. We are all so judgmental of each other. And, it’s kind of ridiculous. If I didn’t have social media, I would definitely be so depressed, and isolated, and ALONE. I am the queen of feeling guilty about crap, and I read stuff like what you are referencing and it just makes me feel worse. It’s so nice that you put into words how I’ve felt for a long time! Let’s just stop trying to write open letters making each other feel bad just for the 2 seconds of fame our blog might receive. And, you should check out the website, She is trying to start a movement of sorts for us to stop judging each other. She has become a kindred spirit of mine in the blogging world! Thanks for your post…I’m a follower now. πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      Awesome, I’d love to check that out! Sounds wonderful :). Thanks for commenting and following! I look forward to hopefully having continued correspondence!

  39. Lynda Freeman says:

    Thank you. Thank you thank you.

    1. krys593 says:

      You are so welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚

  40. This is wonderful! I completely agree! Thank you for posting! .

    1. krys593 says:

      So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  41. Bobbi says:

    I love this. I’m a work from home mom and the mom guilt is over the top. I get guilted by little sayings here and there from other moms because I put my kids in front of the TV for an hour while I work and I hire a sitter to watch them while I’m out on a shoot and that I’m not 100% present with them all the time. I don’t understand why a working stay at home mom gets more guilt than just a working mom. We are all doing the best we can. I still can make my schedule to be with my kids when I need too and I think that is what is important. My identity is not in my kids or job or family. I agree with you that moms are too hard on each other. Forget the fact that I work from 6-8am and then again from 8-11pm so I can be present with my kids. Why not recognize the sacrifices moms make instead of the mistakes you think they make. Okay. My rant is over too πŸ™‚

    1. ethansmama32 says:

      Bobbi, I work from home, too and can SOOO relate.

      1. krys593 says:

        Amen, girl. I’m sorry to hear that you are given the guilt trip for that. I can’t imagine working all of those hours on both ends of the day! You are working hard and doing a great job. Soldier on, mama! Your children are blessed by you.

  42. Beth says:

    I have very strong, mixed feelings about this. I like that you called it ‘mom guilt.’ We feel as though if we are not giving every second to our children, we’re not doing it right. But the truth is, we are people too. Yes, MOMS ARE PEOPLE TOO!! We have needs, we have interests, and we have the right and the responsibility to take care of ourselves, as well as our families. When you fly, in the event of a drop in cabin pressure, they tell parents to put their own oxygen masks on before assisting anyone else, including their children. Why? Because if mom passes out, she’s not helping anyone! One of the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints said:

    “… Find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests. Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well and if you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have less and less to give to others, even to your children.” M. Russell Ballard, “Daughters of God,” Ensign, May 2008, 110

    I find that to be very true for myself and for my family. I just wish I could tell my ‘mom guilt’ to take a hike long enough for me to refuel!

    1. krys593 says:

      Yep, and I think that’s why we mamas need to tell each other’s “mom guilt” to take a hike! There is something that feels more powerful about having someone else speak this sweet truth to us to set us free. Sometimes we just need the love and encouragement from other mom’s. We need to tell each other it’s ok to be human!

      Thanks for commenting!

  43. Amy says:

    Awesome post. Yeah, I’m sure there are parents spending every waking moment on some device or away from their kids. But there’s no way to know that from a snapshot at the park. I WAS and still AM one of those parents that is frequently reading a book, knitting, or on my phone while my child is at the park. I am a homeschooling stay at home/work from home single mom, so I have loads of time watching my child do whatever, and just hanging out with him. I took him to the park for a break for both of us!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Homeschooling, SAHM AND single mom?! Wow, I salute you. You are doing a fantastic job! What a gift you are to your children. I hope you know what a blessing you are.

    2. Jana says:

      Amy – I’m a homeschooling SAHM as well. And…I…am…FEELIN’ ya. I really love what you said here, especially “there’s no way to know that from a snapshot at the park.” So true. And thanks Krys, for such a thoughtful, genuine post.

  44. Shelia says:

    I always knew I was a better parent because I worked. I missed a LOT being at work and I would give anything to have that time back. I was a single parent of two sons and no real support from anyone so choices were few. That being said I learned I was not the mom that could go without regular breaks, for my sake and theirs. Relax, enjoy, and teach them boundaries so you and everyone else can enjoy them. It all passes really quicker than you think.

    1. krys593 says:

      It really does go by fast! My daughter is only 16 months old and it has flown by. Thanks for the reminder to relax and enjoy!

  45. Danelle says:

    Thank you! On behalf of mothers everywhere.

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed it. And that so many of us mamas can relate!

    2. krys593 says:

      Glad you enjoyed it! So many of us mamas can relate, it’s awesome to see that just through the comments on this post.

  46. Thank you so much! I’ve been feeling guilty ever since I saw the good ole “iPhone mom” thing. I understand their point, but there is so much more to it than that. Thanks for standing up for us moms!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks for saying that, that’s what I was hoping to do! πŸ™‚

  47. Stacy says:

    I read an article about “drops of awesome” that is just that. giving yourself props for doing something good as a parent or person and just because you mess up or don’t do “enough” at times it doesn’t take away from the awesome moments you do have. Thanks for this. I feel completely judged if I am on my phone at all while at the store or park or anything. and usually I am doing something useful or entertaining a kid with a game.

    1. krys593 says:

      I like that :). Thanks for sharing! Enjoy your drops of awesome and know that you are doing a good job mama!

  48. Sarah says:

    I agree! We need to be more supportive of each other and stop pulling everyone down. This is something I’ve been thinking about lately and I actually wrote a blog post about it last week. I’d love for you to check it out:
    I also stumbled upon the concept of “UBUNTU” shared by many African cultures recently. Simply translated, it means “I am because we are” and focuses on the existence of humanity depending on being intertwined with others. Wikipedia explains it much better if you want to read more into it:

    I just think, let’s be there for each other instead of feeling like we’re competing, you know?!

    1. krys593 says:

      Awesome, I look forward to checking it out! Thanks for commenting :). I’m with you, let’s be there for each other!

  49. Kim says:

    Bravo! What a great job showing what motherhood is like and taking the guilt off. I work from home with my three-year-old son and when he asks if I can play with him sometimes I feel so guilty even though I have laundry, dishes, meals to make, grocery shopping, cleaning the toilets again, etcetera! I also think it is so good for them to learn to entertain themselves independently! Great job and thak you!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks for the huge compliment :). Yes, it is so good for them to entertain themselves! A friend was telling me of a study he read recently about how it has negatively affected some of our younger generations to not have learned how to be by themselves. We end up expecting to just be entertained constantly. That is so refreshing to know. Not only does it help us mamas get other things done and have a break, but it is contributing good skills to future generations for our children to have to learn to be and play by themselves!

      Thanks for commenting!

  50. The Native Floridian says:

    Reblogged this on The Daily Complainer and commented:
    I couldn’t not re-blog this. I couldn’t have said it better myself!

    1. krys593 says:

      You are sweet :). That is a really huge compliment that you thought it was something worth sharing with your readers. Thanks!

  51. jnewarner says:

    Well written and beautifully stated. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

  52. Look at all the flood of comments! Because it’s just soooo right on! Thanks for this post! I saw this from my friend on Facebook who is also a SAHM.

    I’m also a SAHM. One day at the park, I was using my iPhone to take a picture of my boys (16 months and 3 y.o.) playing around (through Instagram – that darn thing always crashes on me). I like posting them quickly because I easily forget if I don’t do it right away, and being away from my own family (oceans away) makes it important to me to let them see how my side of my own family is doing. They were so cute and fun in the park, I couldn’t wait to post it. I rarely post a thing immediately. So I was posting the picture while my boys ran around in the gated play area, and this other mom passed by me. She went right next to her son who was standing right next to my 16 month old and she said out loud, “Wow! Look at that! Good thing Mama saw you do that, huh?” and I just barely caught her giving me a glimpse. Talk about giving me a mommy guilt. If she had known I have my boys’ pictures and videos filling up my phone’s memory… more than half of them unposted because I always just took a snapshot and continued on with what we were doing.

    I love how there are so many other mothers out there who feels the same way I do. Let’s all build each other up than tear each other down. We have enough plates on our hands to add on to other people’s griefs, why not cheer them on instead, right?

    1. Tasha Adams says:

      I don’t think I could have stopped myself from showing her what I was doing, and then inviting her and her judgemental self to mind her own dang beeswax!

      1. krys593 says:

        Are you kidding?! Ugh, that makes me so mad. I just read this to my husband and was like, “I WISH I would have been there to witness that, I would have said something to that jerk mom and then told the one taking the pictures on her phone that I am with her and she’s doing a good job!” I’m so sorry that happened.

        Yes, there are so many of us out there who feel the same way you do. Like you said, just look at all of the comments on here! You are not alone. Yes, let’s build each other up :).

    2. Emily says:

      She involved your kid in her sarcastic comment toward you? That’s WAY out of line. If she had said something to you, that’s one thing, but to criticize you to your child…too far, Judgy Mom.

  53. Heather says:

    Thank you! I needed that! I completely agree that Parents (or the world in general) need more praise, encouragement, and uplifting articles, etc. directed at them.

    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks! I’m glad that it seems you happened to read it at the right time. Us mamas need each other to give one another that praise, encouragement and uplifting articles!

  54. Sherilyn Johnson says:

    I cannot thank you enough! I don’t know how many conversations I’ve had with my husband recently to this effect in response to the bombardment of articles like the IPhone Mom and other ones that berate us over and over again to enjoy EVERY.SINGLE.MOMENT. There are so many times in my day, I just long for a small brain break. When my husband comes home in the evening, not only am I happy to see him, I’m just so glad for another person there that our three young sons can talk to so that my brain isn’t trying to single-handedly think ahead of every action and where about of their lively imaginations and constant conversation. I LOVE it and them, I SO do, but it is physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting and I’m SO thankful for just a tiny little moment each day that I can remind myself that there is an adult world outside of the wonderful four walls of my house. =)

    1. Jana says:

      Agreed. I love everything you said here, Sherilyn.

  55. Julie k says:

    KM!!! I couldn’t have said it better myself. You spoke perfectly about the tiny moments that make up my day as a SAHM–itsy bitsy spider being sung frantically as I change a diaper one handedly to try and keep baby son from rolling over because he is so over laying still for a diaper change…animal sounds, books with excited inflections. Perfect! And I HAVE felt the guilt of having my phone out while pushing him on a swing. Thank you for your point of view and for sharing this totally needed affirmation that if I take two minutes to myself it doesn’t disqualify hours of undivided attention. xo

    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks girl! Heck yea, I can relate. You are so normal and that is good for you ;-). Love ya friend!

  56. scratchmommy says:

    Wow…….thank you.

    Thank you for putting into words what so many others want to say, but can’t. It’s hard to find those words, let alone write them out so very eloquently…so brutally honest.

    We do live in a “mom guilt” society; it’s sad.

    Thank you…I feel better and I hope that you do, too.


    1. krys593 says:

      Thanks for saying that :). I do feel better, especially to see so much support, encouragement and comradery among all of the other moms on here commenting. We are not alone, we are all in the same boat! We are all plauged by mom guilt, and we need each other to help us be free from it.

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  57. Amber says:

    Amen sister!!!
    Love my kids & I give them more attention than they need so the moment I glance away to take a mommy time out- its needed. I get chided by my own mother & it gets old.

    1. krys593 says:

      Yep, totally. I think our own mothers can have a tendency to be even harder on us because it is their grandchildren and they forget what it is like to be in the trenches. Hang in there, you’re doing a great job! And you’re doing the same thing that the rest of us do πŸ˜‰

  58. Emily says:

    Thank you so much for writing this! Seriously… You have no idea how precious these words are to me right about now. πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m so glad they were so precious to you. Soldier on mama! You’re doing a great job πŸ™‚

  59. Well said! There is too much mama-shaming out there. Thanks for telling the other side of the story.

    1. krys593 says:

      That was exactly what I was hoping to do :). Thanks for commenting!

  60. Shelly Mitchell says:

    That was awesome. And so true. We shouldn’t judge. God is the judge. And stay at home moms are the best and of you can’t stay at home and still give your children the time when you are off. They are the best. But to be a great Godly mother you have to have time for God and yourself. Thanks for sharing this.

  61. I read that article the other day that you refer to and the same defensive thoughts came into my mind. I thought, why aren’t we giving her the benefit of the doubt. What if a crisis is happening in her life and she is handling it while her children get to be children and play? What if she just spent the moment in an engrossed activity with her children and now they all need a break from each other. I mean, why are we tearing apart a mother WHO BRINGS HER CHILDREN TO THE PARK?!?! Seriously, that takes some energy to make sure everyone is fed and has gone to the potty and then actually get them to the park. Good job!! My preference would be to meet a friend at the park and chat with her and completely ignore my children unless I hear screaming. (My kids are in elementary school and don’t need as much supervision as itty bittys.) But really, thank you so much for giving this poor judged mother a voice and for reminding us all that it is okay to give ourselves a break every once in a while.

    1. moment was supposed to be morning πŸ™‚

      1. krys593 says:

        Yea really! I feel like the fact that you even put the effort into bringing kids to the park should earn you a nod and a “good job mama!” I wanted to give the mom a voice because she represents so many of us. I mean, look at all of the comments! So many can relate and so many have not felt freedom in this. Some of the stories on here have made me so sad, what people have said to these mamas.

        Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  62. Grace says:

    THANK YOU!!! So many people don’t realize the amount of effort it takes to be a SAHM, nor what precious, special, once-in-a-lifetime moments occur that the SAHM is fully involved in. Those five minutes at the park or even at home, while mom is checking facebook or scanning pintrest, or whatever, are just a drop in the bucket. I spend maybe a minute or two at a time online while my kids are awake. One minute here while they are otherwise occupied, another minute there if I finished lunch before they did… I promise I’m not on all day! LOL And yet I’ve received criticism for being online “all day”, when I’m really not. I’ve just figured out how to be especially efficient at it. And at the same time, my friends I have online are many times an invaluable source of insight, sanity, advice, warmth, love, and plenty of “It’ll be okay. You’re not a bad mom. You’ll get through this…” when I’ve had an especially hard day. I’d go crazy without them.

    1. krys593 says:

      Yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly! I’m sure there are mothers out there who are literally online all day, but if I’m honest, I don’t know any of them. All of the moms I know do use their phone and internet throughout the day. But it’s not constant. They are not missing the important stuff. They are very involved and very present most of the day. It is such a gift to moms to have the networks and online communities that we do now through social media! Such a gift. And a gift to our children to learn to play and entertain themselves.

      Not to mention, iPhones are also used now for meal planning, grocery lists, budgeting, organizing, and finding fun kids activities. So some of the time spent on our phone is no different than moms that used to use cookbooks, pen & paper, planners, organizers, and newspapers for!

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  63. MadaJudd says:

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My thoughts exactly. Loved reading this!!!

  64. Amen sister! Hello WAHM? At least the children are getting some sunshine! Lol!

  65. Jennie says:

    Thanks so much for posting this! I am in tears reading it. So glad I am not the only one going crazy for a minute to themselves πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      You are so not the only one! πŸ™‚ Glad that this brought some relief to your soul. You’re doing a good job.

  66. Stacy says:

    Thank you!!

  67. Mirissa Cicelski says:

    I am not a mom but I loved every last bit of your rant. I am at fault too for picking at things instead of praising the good, there is always good! Thank you!!

    1. krys593 says:

      That is a very sweet comment. I think we’ve all picked at people’s parenting. It’s easy to think we would do things differently when we’re not in that person’s situation (and we usually don’t know their situation).

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  68. Jenny says:

    Amen, sister!!! Couldn’t agree more πŸ™‚

  69. Alison says:

    Love this! It almost made me cry! You speak the truth!

  70. Stayc says:

    THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I hope this goes viral! You nailed it right on the head. Beautifully written!

    1. krys593 says:

      Thank you! It has gone viral I think, it’s hit far over 200,000 reads and new visitors. I was averaging 200-400 reads per post on this blog before that! Not really sure how it got out and spread so fast but thank you for thinking it should :). Thanks for commenting!

  71. Eleah Boyd says:

    Beautifully written thoughts. You just never know what is going on in the lives of the people we are watching from afar, or even the ones that we think we know really well. Just don’t judge others ~ assume that people are doing their best is what my mom tried to teach me while she was playing with me and reading her books!

    1. krys593 says:

      That is a great lesson from your mom. I agree! And it’s neat that you have fond memories of your mom both playing with you and reading your books :).

      Thanks for commenting!

  72. As a former SAHD I can relate to the demands and joys of CONSTANT 24 hr parenting. Good post and good job with the kiddos. In saying that I recommend three things. Learn to listen to His voice so you know when and where and how much to “indulge” (if you never feel the “guilt” over ignoring your kids probably means you are insensitive to it and that may truly be a symptom of a bad parent). Second, recognize that if you are being judged, it is because of the “bad” ones that truly are wrong. Those who ignore their kids in public as well as at home where the TV has become the parent for mega hours a day have wrongly become the standard that some judge by. For us on the outside, that see the “indulging” mom, learn to relax and not judge by the seeing of our eyes, but only by truth. We can’t know her by just one encounter and instead of judging, pray (Build up, not condemn. Which the last time I checked was the devils modus operandi). Last of all and most importantly, why should we even consider the worlds judgement upon us? Does the world or worldly get much right? Your true worth and reward will never come from them, but from your spouse, other believers, your God and eventually your kids!

    1. krys593 says:

      Good thoughts, and truth! Thanks for sharing. I would be curious to know if you felt or received the same sort of judgmental looks and comments when you were a SAHD. I’ve wondered if this is toward all parents or moms in particular. My husband has said that he often feels the opposite. He feels that people/society have such low standards for him as a dad that if he even pays attention to our daughter for 5 minutes, they see him as a good dad. They don’t expect much of him as a parent and he finds that offensive too. So I’ve wondered which end SAHDs end up experiencing?

      Thanks for commenting and for your words of wisdom!

  73. melly1982 says:

    I love this – just what I needed to read this Saturday morning while I enjoy a few moments of online peace before the kids get up!!!

  74. KateP says:

    Thank you for this post!

  75. Helena says:

    So true. Thank you. I feel guilt every time I look at my phone when my little one is awake.

  76. km1983 says:

    Stupid suck it up and deal with it like the moms did before. Quick putting kids infront of tv video games and ipads…

    1. Amber says:

      I think you’re being judgmental, which the article was just saying NOT to do, and a little off-topic. This isn’t about putting kids in front of the TV, it’s about moms using tech. Moms do need time to themselves. I’m not a mom, but I know that if my mom didn’t get time to herself while raising me and my siblings growing up, she would have gone berserk.

      1. Kelly says:

        Hey Amber – and because your mother showed you that it is okay to take time for yourself so you will not go berserk – you will be a better parent. You show this also by your comment.

    2. krys593 says:

      I’m wondering how you perceive that moms “did it before.” I’m sure that there are many people whose use for technology with children has been too much. But I’ve talked to women in older generations who left their babies in strollers outside of grocery stores while doing the shopping, and let their very little children run around outside for hours unsupervised because those things were just the norm then! That was how moms got things done. So it’s really not too different, from the paying attention to the moment perspective. I agree that much screen time for kids to sit in front of is not good for them, they need to play more. But this was more for what the mom does and it being ok for her to look at her phone at times. Which also is now where many moms also do their meal planning, grocery lists, organizing, scheduling, and finding kids activities. Moms “before” did these things too, it was just with cook books and planners, and calendars and newspapers.

      I’m also guessing that you are not a mom :).

  77. Wonderful perspective – LOVE it! Thankful you put it into words!

  78. Found this on my Facebook feed, so I guess it’s gone viral. Congrats! If I start to feel Mom guilt (and I do all the time), I think of my daughter. I would not want her to grow up sacrificing everything for her family instead of following her dreams. Kids need attention, yes, but they also need role models for how they are supposed to live their lives as adults. I want my daughter to be able to take time for herself without feeling guilty.

    1. krys593 says:

      Amen, that is such a good word! YES, I want my daughter to have time to herself and to live and parent freely in grace and love. It would break my heart to think about her living under the weight of this kind of guilt constantly.

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  79. Cathy says:

    Great post! I have three kiddos ages three and under. I am a pretty socially awkward loner type, I have siblings but am much younger than them so growing up I was almost like an only child. I am still adjusting to the noisy chaos that is my life. Fact is I get sensory overload A LOT. Of course I have lots of wonderful moments teaching, playing with, and cuddling my kids. I love being able to stay home with them. But being a mom does not mean we are suddenly some kind of robot that no longer needs sleep, food, or moments of quiet to think or unwind. Those who judge need a reality check and reminder that they do not know the person they are judging. I spend 24/7 loving, caring for, cuddling my girls…even when I would prefer some space. Because I live them and they need me. When we are in public it is a relief to be around other adult friends/family to have someone else for them to interact and show thing to. Anyone who will judge that is pretty out of touch with the realities of being a parent.

    1. krys593 says:

      Absolutely. And the truth is, it’s just not good for our children to be constantly in our center of attention! A friend recently told me about a study he read showing that some of the younger generations right now don’t know how to be by themselves because they were never taught to be. We just expect to be entertained all the time. It is a great gift to give our children to teach them the skill of learning to be by themselves and entertain themselves. It helps them build an imagination. You are being a good mom if you help them foster that kind of alone time play!

      Thanks for commenting :).

  80. shanna says:

    Thank you so much for this!

  81. Ashley Case says:

    I don’t understand why that particular post is getting so much attention and backlash. I’ve read it, and I was in no way offended by it. I think it’s a good reminder for all of us. That’s about the extent to which I read into it, like this post. I think your words are a good reminder. That’s it. I don’t think the other author meant to insult anyone, and any adult fighting for kids is okay with me, which is what I feel she was doing. I don’t think you’re wrong, but it surprises me how many people feel that the other author was wrong. I say glean what you can that will help you improve as a mother (because we all need help sometimes!) and let the rest go.

    1. krys593 says:

      I think that is good advice. We do need help sometimes, and we need to be able to let the rest go, yes. I know it may not seem like it, but I wasn’t angry at the writer of the original post. To her credit, I’m guessing that she is probably an older mother whose kids are grown and she realizes how quickly time goes by and doesn’t want other moms to miss it and not enjoy those moments while they last. I get that, and I tried to give her some credit for that in one of my first paragraphs. I just wanted to give the iPhone mom a voice. Because I know her. Because I am her. Because I can’t tell you how many mom friends I have that talk to me in tears because they live in fear, always afraid that they can never be a good enough mom. Always having people make mean comments to them and feeling their parenting choices are being condemned. Read some of the comments on this post, they have been breaking my heart! The things that some of these mamas have had said to them in public about their parenting are enough to crush one’s soul and make them feel crippled with defeat. There are an insane amount of guilt inducing internet posts for moms. I wanted to give a gift to these weary moms. We get such unrealistic expectations thrown on us that we don’t feel like we can be human. I just wanted to speak love, grace, and freedom to them by giving them a voice.

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  82. Cassie S. says:

    Wonderful! I couldn’t agree more. As a homeschooling mother of 4, I know how important having a few minutes to yourself can be. Burn-out is very real.

  83. katestickel says:

    Or if she is a working mom: she is trying to do work stuff so she can hold on to her job. And she should be in the office but was Ble to sneak away to take her DD to dance, but it means looking at her phone from time I time.

    If I were a man in a suit on my phone, no one would question it.

    1. krys593 says:

      Yep, you are so right! And right about the man in a suit thing too, unfortunately. I was talking to my husband about this. But he said for him it’s the opposite, that people have such low expectations and standards for dads that it is actually offensive to him. So if I miss 5 minutes of watching my daughter twirl because I’m on my iPhone, people are condemning my parenting. But if my husband were to be on his iPhone and gets off for only 5 minutes to watch our daughter twirl, he would get a pat on the back for being such a good dad. No one seems to pat us on the back for the 99808 times we did watch our child twirl in her dress. And no one seems to have higher standards for the dads, they just insult them by assuming they can’t do what mom does.

      Thanks for commenting!

      1. Lissie says:

        This was my thought – why are we not seeing the same sort of condescending drivel aimed at men who are (we assume), working full-time outside the home? Why is this always aimed at moms? “Dear Dad at the office…while you’re off getting lunch at the burrito place, and pooping without witnesses, you know what you’re missing? Your daughter twirling, etc etc.” I don’t know, I felt the tone of the original post was just so condescending. Do I need reminders to be more present? Sure! Is trying to make me feel guilty for how I’m scarring my kids by checking in on FB and missing the same twirl I’ve already complimented 9 times today going to actually help me be more present? Nope.

  84. Joy says:

    Thank you for tour words of truth!!!! This just made my morning and opened my eyes and heart that— YES IM A GOOD MOM. Even if I need to tune out for 5 minutes!

    1. krys593 says:

      Yep! I’m glad you found these words freeing. The fact that you’re even worried about taking a few minutes to yourself shows that you are a good mom :). And you are a good mom to take a few (or more) moments too. It will bless your whole family!

  85. Laura says:

    My thoughts? I love my kids, I am often times spinning, dancing, sliding, and swinging WITH them. I also have my days at the park where I sit on the bench and browse the web. Why the hell should I or anyone else be so involved with one aspect of our lives that we completely ignore another? No parent can, nor wants to be ultimately all inclusive to the lives of their children. Kids don’t even want their parents to witness every single thing they do or don’t do. We have to respect our children enough to allow them to have their own space, even on the playground, to not be up their little butts all the time.

    1. krys593 says:

      Absolutely! It is not good or healthy for our children, nor do I think they really want it, for us to be up in their faces every second. A friend recently told me about a study he read showing that some of the younger generations right now don’t know how to be by themselves because they were never taught to be. We just expect to be entertained all the time. It is a great gift to give our children to teach them the skill of learning to be by themselves and entertain themselves. It helps them build an imagination. You are being a good mom if you help them foster that kind of alone time play!

  86. SJBeals says:

    Just shared with my readers. Children are a welcome addition to our families, but not the center of our universe so much so that we should feel guilty about checking our email or phone. Good gracious. Balance is needed, of course. I think parents are much more child centered than they were when my kids were young. Parenting little ones all day is a lonely job. It’s great to have a little fellowship during the day…even if only by iPhone. πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      Wow, that is a huge honor that you shared this with your readers! Especially since I just read your post below, the Letter to a Young Mother, LOVED it! Thank you. Seriously, us young mamas in this generation desperately need those words. I found it so refreshing to my soul, and plan on sharing that with other friends. You seem like someone I would love to know and spend time with. Thank you for the ministry you are doing to us young mamas all over the world :).

  87. SJBeals says:

    And I wrote this letter a while back to young moms, because raising kids is really hard!

  88. Jean Parks says:

    Back when I was raising young kids, there was judgement, from family, from other women in the neighborhood, from the PTO but never anything like the condemnations dished out in social media these days. I think people forget that when you see a child & parent that you’re seeing only a split moment in time, you aren’t seeing the rest of their day.

    I say give parents a break,save the judgements for the people who use their smart phones while driving, sadly there are still plenty of them.

    1. krys593 says:

      Yes, thank you for saying that :).

  89. Kara says:

    Thank you! My mother had her “soaps” in the 70’s. Now we have email and FB. Not only is it a way to connect with other mothers and rant or vent, 99% of the time I am posting pictures of my kids doing the silly things that kids do. Twirling in their dress, running around in the batman cape and mask for the 5th day in a row.
    My friends who don’t have kids like to tell me how to raise mine. My response is, “Yeah, i was a better mother before I had actual kids too.”

    1. krys593 says:

      Hahahaha, I love that response! I’m going to start using that one :). And you are right about both things. I think it’s easy for people to think that mother’s before us did it so differently and better. It was different, yes, but still the same thing! Even the fact that we now use iPhones for meal planning, grocery lists, scheduling, organizing, etc. Would they have judged a mom in the 70s for having her recipe book out and grocery list while her kids played? And yes, most of my iPhone activity is usually taking pictures or videos of my daughter and posting them on Instagram and Facebook. You’re awesome. Thanks for commenting!

  90. Jessica says:

    thank you so much for this! I too read that article going around Facebook and I can’t tell you how many times I have thought about it and keep feeling guilty over it. it is so nice to hear that yes, you are doing a great job, and no not every second has to be devoted to your child or you are a failure. Thanks

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m glad you found it encouraging :). You are right, missing a moment does not make you a failure. A friend recently told me about a study he read showing that some of the younger generations right now don’t know how to be by themselves because they were never taught to be. We just expect to be entertained all the time. It is a great gift to give our children to teach them the skill of learning to be by themselves and entertain themselves. It helps them build an imagination. You are being a good mom if you help them foster that kind of alone time play!

  91. Misti says:

    Yes! Love this. You are so ON. And guess what. Before the ipad and iPhone were giving moms a little escape time, there were soap operas and magazines and telephone calls and whatever else a woman needed to have a Calgon moment. We all love our babies. The mommy wars are so old. Ahh! Thanks for writing this πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      Yes, you are so right! Also before iPhones, moms would pull out their cook books and calendars and grocery lists- all things that we also do on the iPhone or iPads now :). Thanks for commenting!

  92. This is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing! I get the mommy guilt quite a bit. Although I am a stay at home mom, I run a business out of my home so I feel awful when I’m in the other room for a while working and my son is playing by himself. It’s hard to find balance with everything going on and yet trying to make time for family which I love more than anything!

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m glad you found it encouraging! A friend recently told me about a study he read showing that some of the younger generations right now don’t know how to be by themselves because they were never taught to be. We just expect to be entertained all the time. It is a great gift to give our children to teach them the skill of learning to be by themselves and entertain themselves. It helps them build an imagination. You are being a good mom if you help them foster that kind of alone time play! Thanks for commenting!

  93. mcrofoo1 says:

    Great response to this. This is exactly how I felt reading that stupid Mom on the iPhone post.

  94. Jarrod says:

    Just want to say to all the moms out there, thank you so much for the work you do. You have the most important yet draining job in the world. Yes, you need and deserve an occasional break. Never let anyone make you feel bad for taking one. Remember, part of the description of the “worthy woman” in Proverbs 31 includes taking care of yourself. (verses 17 and 22)

    1. krys593 says:

      Bless you for saying that Jarrod. Thank you for your encouragement and support! Us mamas need it. And I love that you pointed out Proverbs 31:17, 22, I had never thought of it that way before! Thanks for commenting.

  95. sonyasspiel says:

    LOVE this! And yes there are dozens out there who need to hear ‘Good Job MOM!’

  96. Alicia says:

    I am not a mom, but I LOVED this article. Howeer, my experience with my mommy friends is the exact opposite. They DO treat their children like they’re the center of the universe, and their husbands and friends and everything else just get left in the dust. Mommies have got to take some “me time” in order to maintain sanity. I once had a friend who told me she hadn’t showered in 3 days because “I have a baby, and YOU just don’t understand because you’ve never had one.” Please. There’s just something wrong there. I’m 100% certain I could find time to shower. So, thank you for this article encouraging moms to do something for themselves. I don’t think it’s selfish at all to want to escape and be an adult for a while.

    1. Nancy B says:

      Believe it or not, there really ARE days (and weeks) when it’s impossible to find the time (or more realistically, the energy) to do something as basic as take a shower. Especially if the other parent is out of town, or you are so sleep deprived you can barely keep your eyes open, or you have a baby who only naps for 30 minutes at a time, or if you don’t have someone else to take care of the hundreds of other things that a SAHM needs / is expected to do (laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc.). Perhaps you can go visit with your friend and spend some time watching the baby so she can take a shower or catch up on the laundry, or whatever else she needs to do to give herself some down time.

    2. krys593 says:

      Haha, I totally believe that has been your experience and I’m sure it is in large part because of things like the “dear iPhone mom” post and all of the condescending, guilt inducing things out there for moms. We are surrounded by so much pressure to be perfect moms and so much fear of failing, that we end up like your friend, not having showered or having had any adult conversation in days! I hope you know that you are such a gift to your mom friends. The fact that you believe they have the right to spend time on themselves, escape, and be an adult, is truly a gift to them. If you speak that truth to them in love and encourage them that they are good mothers, you might really help set them free from the bondage of this mommy-guilt culture we live in. I am thankful that I have some friends who are not moms who invite me out for girls nights and a husband that encourages me to go. It has truly made me a more sane, happy, and joyful person and mother.

      And non-mom friends who will come hang out with me and my daughter and make me laugh and remind me that I don’t have to spend every second striving for super mom have been a life saver to me. One of the greatest gifts is a friend who can help you be human :).

      You’re awesome, thanks for commenting!

  97. threegirldad says:

    Three cheers!

    The person who just can’t pass up a chance to scold a parent in such a way should really give this article a slow and careful read.

    1. krys593 says:

      Yes! I actually read that article a little over a month ago and thought the same thing. Weary super-moms need to read it, such a sweet relief and good to know! And then those judgy moms need to read it to so they realize the things they are judging may actually be what is better for the kids. πŸ™‚

  98. Sarah says:

    I needed this today. Thank you so much. ❀

  99. Tasha Adams says:

    I love this! I saw the “Dear Mom on the IPhone” piece. My first thought was that I ignore my kids whilst on my Android… Second, what has feminism gained us if women are going to attack one another for their choices, especially, as you write, when the “Dear Mom” knew little about that mom. Maybe she’s on her phone all the time, maybe it was, just like you describe. But women, lets have one another’s backs for crying out loud! If WE don’t, WHO WILL?

  100. Mommastone says:

    This is great!!!!! Thank you!!!!

  101. Tobi-Dawne says:

    Reblogged this on TD 365 and commented:
    As a third wave feminist, and a WAHM, I have to shout a big loud YES to this post. We need to be supporting our fellow self-identified Women, and our fellow Moms in their choices. We need to cut ourselves and one another a little slack. We are all people. We all need a little ME time. We all need help sometimes. We are all just doing the best we can with the resources we have. So YAY Moms, YAY Women – y’all rock pretty damn hard (even when you’re just checking out a friend’s wall on FB).

  102. This is so needed in our world today. There are very few who actually stand up for motherhood. Thank you for having the courage to write this post. We need more people that will stand up for moms. I think that it is sad that even as moms we tend to do this to ourselves. We overanalyzes and condem ourselves for our shortcomings. We need to be more encouraging to others and ourselves. I have just started a new blog and I hope I can be as courageous and honest with my feelings on it.

  103. Thank you so SO much for this post. I am a blogger as well and started to craft a response similar (But not nearly as well-written) to yours, and just couldn’t figure out a way to articulate the line between “yes, we all know we aren’t mindful enough” and “Did I sentence myself to 18 years of isolation and Barney when I had children?”. You did it beautifully, with the compassion that parents need. Thank you.

  104. Cassandra says:

    Thank you! I’m a SAHM and I have had many days where the Mom, Ma, and Mommy’s will almost drive me up the wall. Let a mom have her zen time where she isn’t focused on everyone else. Let her enjoy the few minutes she has to enjoy sitting quietly and not answering the same question for the hundredth time.

  105. Erin says:

    Thank you! I have often felt the mom guilt from these stupid letters and I’m so glad someone could find an eloquent way to say what I’ve been feeling! Thank you! SAHMs get a bad wrap sometimes and I’m tired of it!

  106. Amber says:

    Thank you thank you thank you!!!! I couldn’t agree more. Thank you for crediting stay at home moms and working moms both with being great moms. I agree!

  107. Deanna says:

    Oh my goodness. Words right from my mouth! It is exhausting being a mom, no matter what that job entails. Be it a sahm, working, one kid or ten. My husband works and goes to school. I spend so much time with my kids that when I actually have adult company I think I spend half an hour trying to figure out how to be around adults again and then another 2 hours talking their ears off because I can. I love my kids, but it’s been weeks since I’ve showered alone or slept through the entire night. I have a special needs child too, so I get those stares from people who think he is an extremely “bad” kid and I’m not doing enough to stop him (he’s 3 and doesn’t look like he has special needs…one time he pulled the fire alarm 2 times at McDonalds, because I stopped to watch my 1 year old slide down the slide then called for my four year old to stop yelling from the top of the play place and stopped watching him for two seconds and he slips by somehow unseen, he’s stealthy, after all that, it’s time to just go and I feel the darts being thrown at my head as I walk out). This society is so “judgy” sometimes. I guess I’m guilty of that too at times and I need to STOP. Thank you for this article. I loved it and totally agree!

  108. Jennifer says:

    Loved this and could have written it myself.

    My question is this: why as a society are we so hard on moms alone? Where is dads responsibility in all this? Why don’t they get shit on when they’re not perfect?

    1. Chris says:

      Guys catch it, too. Unfortunately, we’re more likely to get a “pass” because it’s assumed (unfairly) that we’re likely the less experienced caregivers in the relationship and are expected to make more mistakes and be irresponsible.

      1. mzvanessa says:

        How true is this! Remember the huggies commercials where the dads would leave the kids in wet diapers so they could watch sports? No one would think to make an ad with a room full of mothers, neglecting children to watch soaps. It’s like people assume men are neanderthals, incapable of providing basic care for his children,so society tends to cut them some slack.

        A single dad will get comments like “aww, how wonderful that he’s stepping up”, pats on the back, gold stars, offers of help..etc etc. A single mom? She’s just doing her ‘job’

        It’s ridiculous, of course, men are just as capable of taking care of their children as women.

      2. krys593 says:

        My husband was actually just talking about this! He said that if he pays attention to our daughter for even just 5 minutes he gets a pat on the back with people saying/thinking, “Aww what a good dad!” If he doesn’t pay attention, it’s no big deal, it’s expected. The expectations/standards are so low for dads, that he said it is offensive to him. As if men are incapable of doing what moms do. I agree, it’s just as much of a problem!

  109. askthebigot says:

    Thank you for saying this. Love my children. Need my people- most of whom are not right next to me all day like my little lovelies are. Blog on, Sister!

  110. tina says:

    so i guess balance would be the key

  111. Chris says:

    I developed some tolerance (and sympathy) for parent-to-parent judgement when I realized that it often comes from a deep-seated desire for validation. We’re repeatedly told that raising kids is a high-stakes endeavour and that doing the wrong thing can have serious repercussions on our child’s development and physical and mental well-being. Any time someone makes a different child-rearing choice than we’d make, many people view that as a threat to our own decision, and sharing a judgement is their way of trying to get validation that they made the right decision..

    Oh, and some people are just dicks.

  112. arlene says:

    Great insights written so well. I loved reading this so much. I’m a grandma, and back in the 50’s and 60’s, life was not all about the kids and meeting their every need 24/7. My mom was home with us. She cooked, cleaned, sewed, all the traditional mom stuff way back when. But I know how much I loved seeing her stand by the fence in the yard with a cup of coffee, chatting with the neighbor ladies, a long time. She needed that so much……and today the same. Thanks for sharing this. It brought back some very good memories for me. And how we all turned out just fine, knowing that the world did not revolve around us. My own daughter takes one hour every morning, and when the little ones are very young, they are in the play room, alone to play together( and the oldest by himself too at first). She can see them,hear them, attend to them if needed, but she can also, take a shower(when kiddos a little older), email, talk on the phone to a friend, even prepare some food if needed. The kids know she is there but this is playtime by themselves. It helps them be creative, share sibling time together and learn to play and share…..good life lessons too. Again, thanks for sharing.

  113. Sarah Osborne says:

    Oooooh, I loved this! I literally felt like I was reading about myself. I am a SAHM with a 2-year-old and a 4-month-old and I love it. Much of my day they get my undivided attention. Even at the park. But once or twice a day, I bust out my iphone while they are playing with other kids. 1. Because I need to do something that isn’t 100% focused on little people. 2. I get to recharge and then be a better mom 30 minutes later because I’ve had a break. 3. I TOTALLY agree with the fact that children need to learn to entertain themselves during certain parts of the day, interact with their peers, and not have mom’s attention EVERY single time they say “watch this.” I already “watched this” 50 times today. I’m not damaging my child’s self esteem by saying “mommy’s busy right now, play with your friend” on time #51. And no, I’m not missing out on a moment. As you said, I get 1000 beautiful child filled moments a day. It’s getting a moment to myself that is precious πŸ™‚

  114. Deborah says:

    I can’t even begin to express how much I love this. Thank you so so much!!!

  115. Joy says:

    Preach it, Sister!

  116. LaVenderBlue says:

    I totally agree….and, whatever happened to teaching our children how to entertain themselves in an appropriate manner? Shouldn’t we be teaching them to be responsible for their own happiness and their own feelings of contentment? That it shouldn’t matter if no one is paying particular attention to you at any given moment…you should be able to enjoy being alone….being the determiner of your own time. I send both my daughters to their rooms every single day for at least 90 minutes of “alone time”….once they outgrew naps as toddlers/little kids, it became time to rest on your bed while listening to music….once the music was over, you could read a book/look at a picture book until Mommy came in your room to get you….now that they are older, they can read, color, draw, do crafts, play with legos, whatever they want to do. As long as it is quiet, they can do it alone, and no one exits their room until Mommy comes to let you know it is okay to come out. I know that it is good for them to learn how to be alone with themselves and not to need constant “stimulation” or attention from someone else. Plus, it gives me a chance to breathe for a few minutes and maybe get something done without constant interruption. I can totally tell if we have had to skip over too many of these glorious “alone time” afternoons, because I start getting grumpy and overwhelmed!! πŸ™‚ If I want to take a few minutes while out in public to play on my own phone….that is totally MY business and no one else’s. My kids get plenty of attention and whoever it is that is judging me for that has NO CLUE how our day has gone or what other stressful events are filling our lives at the moment, that I might just need a break! Thank you for sharing this article!

  117. ADB says:

    Amen! I couldn’t agree more.

  118. krys593 says:

    Wow. I had every intention of replying to ever comment but I am overwhelmed by all of the love and encouragement! This is awesome. I feel like we’re all sitting together over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee chatting about this, lifting one another up :). I will eventually get around to responding to each one of you, it just might take a few days!

    Thank you for all of your comments!

  119. mzvanessa says:

    Reblogged this on Just Winging It…. and commented:
    Since I can’t like this twice, I’m sharing, so that others can read, understand and like it too.

  120. mzvanessa says:

    Thank you for being a voice, not just for ‘Mom On The Iphone” but for all SAHMs who are judged for taking a few mins for themselves. People who aren’t SAHMs just don’t get it, yet they are always the first to judge.

  121. Jessica says:

    What a great article! Gave me the power to keep going today.

  122. Kelly says:

    Love this rant! I am so right there with you! (I’m also that mom that brings her lap top to the park because it’s the only time I get to work where my kids will leave me alone for more than three minutes at a time…

  123. Amber06 says:

    Thank you for writing down what my heart was screaming as I read “dear iPhone” mom. It made me cry to read it and it was so refreshing to have someone actually give moms a break for once.

  124. Michelle says:

    Amen! This reminded me of my friend Molly’s recent post:

    She is an awesome mom. And so are the rest of us. We’re all doing our best. πŸ™‚

    1. krys593 says:

      Wow, thanks for sharing her post! So beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes. I feel like I can relate to her so much and I cannot imagine how much joy it would bring to my soul to hear a stranger tell me I am a good mother. Thanks for commenting and passing her link on!

  125. Oh boy don’t we ALL need to hear and read something like this. This is my post I just wrote about feeling the exact same thing. I’m so sick and tired of all the negative mom bashing posts going around. As if being a mom isn’t hard enough!

    1. krys593 says:

      Oh man, just read your post and I can so relate! There is so much out there and they all say different things! Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It’s confusing and frustrating and is enough to crush us under the demands and pressure of it all.

      Keep on going, mama, you are doing a great job, I can tell!

  126. beccalouise says:

    after about five or six hours of constantly talking and looking and getting stuff for them and feeding them, i need quiet time or i will lose my mind. i think anyone can understand that. i spent five hours of watching skirts twirl. now dad’s home and i’m doing something else ALONE while I am waiting for our dinner to cook (I’m the cook too). then i will be eating with them, reading them stories, and putting them all to bed. so really it is just a little time I spend commenting on webpages, but that time is very necessary for ME. besides, kids need to learn to play by themselves, that is an important skill.

  127. serena says:

    I am 8 months along with our second one and just finished a good cry session because I felt so guilty that I ate the last of my son’s crackers and then I felt guilty again for deciding I was so emotional from only 4hrs of sleep and I need to take a nap and let him watch t.v.

    Thank you for this.

  128. Christine says:

    Great article/rant….And SAHDs (Stay at Home Dad)s too need not be judged…

  129. Kasey says:

    Amen to that! I *need* time away on my social networks and blogs to decompress. As a stay at home mom and in-home daycare provider, I don’t leave my job at the end of the day and close the door on my duties – they keep going 24 hours a day. So, if I need to close out the tantrums and crying for a half hour while I write a blog post or mindlessly check my newsfeed, I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty by those “perfect” parents. Thank you for this post! Love it!

  130. Des says:

    I think this is a very important article, one I will share, share and keep sharing. I don’t have any children of my own, not that it matters, but I can see how this impacts everyone. With lots of girlfriends with young children I always them to feel that they have a right to care for themselves too, to know that they are doing a fabulous and most important job every day. And further from that, that it is absolutely everybody’s responsibility to make sure mum’s know that, over and over. Congratulations x

  131. Jennifer says:

    I wanted to add that no amount of “guilt” heaped on a mom that truely does not care makes much of a difference. A bad mom doesn’t worry about being a bad mom. We are ALL doing our best. Our kids know this. At the end of the day, even if its been a shitty one, my daughter will often tell me I’m the best mom in the whole wide world. And THAT’S all the validation I need that I’m doing a good job.

  132. Melissa says:

    Thank you so much for this. I am a stay at home mom of four and getting a min to pee in peace I a giant task in my house. Your the best!!

  133. Laurie Bridges says:

    That’s my girl! Well written πŸ™‚ so proud of you…

  134. Katie says:

    Thank you. I read the iPhone mom post the other day and was overwhelmed with bad mom guilt. My husband is deployed to Afghanistan so I already live every day with the guilt that I get to hold our son and make him smile while my husband misses out…I didn’t need to be made to feel even worse so I am glad I read this today. I am doing a good job as a mom, and as a single mom right now. No one tells me that. I have to tell myself. And when you read articles telling you to get off your phone and watch every single moment, it is discouraging. You are totally right about the fact that we’ve seen the dress twirling and the new found discoveries a thousand times and 999 of those times we dropped whatever we were doing to oh and ah over it. I cried when I read the ending to your article because so many of the things listed where dead on descriptions of my life. Instead of putting each other down we should be building each other up and patting each other and ourselves on the back. So here I am, giving you a pat on the back through the Internet. Good job today πŸ™‚

  135. AMEN sistah! It would be a full time job with a heck of a lot of unpaid overtime if I paid real attention every time my son said, “hey mom, watch this!”

  136. Kate says:

    It is so refreshing to read this, i was suffering a bout of guilty mum after reading the original post about iphone mum, thanks for putting it out there!

    From my iPhone, at a park πŸ™‚

  137. Beth Carter says:

    Mad props, mama! ❀

  138. Elizabeth Sharpe says:

    This was awesome!!! I just took my kiddo to the park yesterday and got my phone out to take a few pictures and had to deal with a judgmental “perfect mommy”. This was AWESOME!

  139. Elizabeth says:

    I liked the original post. It was a good reminder of how fleeting the moments in childhood really are. My most poignent memories with my kids is when we were outside. No distractions like when we are in the house (phone calls, cooking, cleaning, the list goes on). I try not to check my email during the day and limit my time online because I know that is not where I am making memories that I will have for the rest of my life. I completely get what your saying but I find posts like the one you were discussing eye opening and a good reminder of the thing that really matter in life.

  140. EXCELLENT post. As a father and a husband, I know exactly how hard my wife, who stays at home, works all day. She is just as tired, if not more so, than me at the end of the day. If she needs a few minutes on her phone while the kids are at the park, I really don’t see the problem. She’s doing a lot better job raising our kids than some do-gooder Facebook poster ever could. That initial iphone mom post pissed me off something furious, and your post has set it right. People forget that being a mom is not all tea parties and manicures, it’s dealing with crying, whining, pooping, peeing, not listening, injuries, illnesses, crying, fighting with siblings, huge messes, not listening, shopping trips that involve not losing the kids, door-to-door salesmen, crying, etc… You have it hard enough, and my hats go off to all of you. Thank you for what you’re doing to make sure our kids are raised to be well behaved and well loved people. And for heaven’s sake, if you’re going to be checking your phone while at the park, make sure there aren’t any nosey do-gooder Facebookers watching your every move (while they should be watching their kids!!!)

  141. MamaDom says:

    That was a great rant! I’ve heard the criticism before about moms at the park on their phone. Whatever is my response!! Yes there are parents and caregivers that are selfish, but, me, I take my kids to the park so I don’t have to play with them. Frankly put. I am that SAHM you wrote about, there so many things that i know I do right and that includes sitting on the bench to breathe while my kids play nicely with others.

  142. Katy says:

    Thank you! You know, sometimes I really do need a reminder to stop and pay attention to all the small wonders, but it’s not usually because I’m spending too much time on my phone, but just getting too caught up in worrying about the little things that don’t really matter, that I start missing those sweet moments. But the judging tone of some of those posts like the one you’re referring to definitely rub me the wrong way. I have always said that we should stop judging each other, stop being at odds with each other, and start lifting each other up. You never know what someone else is going through. That quick moment that you see a mom checking her phone while her child is twirling on the playground? Like you said, that may be the first free moment she’s had all day. And I can’t tell you how many wonderful pictures I’ve gotten of my kids because I HAVE had my phone handy! πŸ˜‰ My mom (and grandmother, she watched me while my mom worked) they didn’t see every time I twirled my dress, and they certainly didn’t have iphones. My mom read, sewed, watched TV, my grandmother gardened, cooked, etc. Perspective. We need more of that, too. Again — thank you for this post!! πŸ™‚

  143. Nancy B says:

    Moms need to eat and pee sometimes? My kid is 7 1/2, and there are still days I can’t go to the bathroom without hearing “Mom!! I need you!” πŸ™‚

  144. Kristine says:

    Thank you! I didn’t even read “dear mom on the iPhone” because I knew it was one more thing to feel guilty about. I will save this to share with my friends working in the trenches! πŸ™‚ why is it that it’s ok to judge mom in her iPhone, but no one cares what dad is doing??? And there are lots of iPhone moms that I will be forever grateful for! Those moms who I have only connected with in cyber space have helped me get through pregnancies, miscarriages, breastfeeding, illnesses, elementary school and every milestone in between (especially any that we missed because those are the ones my IRL friends can’t seem to relate to). I’ve learned so much from a few minutes here and there on my iPhone that has probably HELPED my children! And I totally agree that it’s ok for kids to entertain themselves sometimes!

    1. Kelli (baseline on screen) says:

      thanks I totally agree with the dad comment!! why so much judgement for us moms and none to very little for dads?!

  145. michelle says:

    Thank you! I hope as many people take the time to read this as read the iphone article. You pretty much wrote what I thought when I read it. Now if we SAHMs could get past, “So, you don’t work?”, maybe our whole society could move ahead with valuing childrearing as a legitimate career choice:)

  146. Shelly says:

    I love it. Made me cry too reading it, I guess because it all rings so true for me. Thanks for posting, I think all of us Mamas can relate.

  147. Melissa says:

    I love you

  148. aufan97 says:

    SAHM here that wants to thank you. I needed this badly. Im tired of feeling guilty when i grab my iPhone in public. You are so right. These networks are our coworkers. They’re our peers and our only communication with the outside world for most of our days. We love our children deeply but we are human and not the superheroes our kids think we are. So thank you for giving us a little self esteem boost. Kudos to u!

  149. Stacey says:

    Thank you for this. You rock…

  150. Stacey Cooper says:

    Couldn’t have said it better myself!

  151. Christa says:

    Other moms are always our toughest critics and it makes me so sad!
    The very first time i changed my then-newborn son’s diaper out in public, i was so frazzled. He peed all over me and himself, i couldn’t reach the trash, etc. Three (3!) other moms were there, watching, snickering, judging. But not helping! I vowed in that moment, i will love other moms for how they live, i will not judge, and i will forgive myself. I tell all the hard moments, i laugh at our collective insanity, and i praise you for your honesty. Thank you!

  152. miikmac says:

    This article comes after listening to my wifey break down because the 3yr old was acting like she had mountain dew intravenous all day. Wifey was beating herself up(she said she felt like she was failing as a mother and wife) an uncontrollable child at a family dinner, backed up on laundry, kitchen a mess, dog poo to shovel, sidewalk to be shoveled, toilets to be cleaned. She’s a working mom who busts her ass for her family, and every once in awhile she cracks. Parents need way more positive feedback. Thanks for this article… I tried to read it to her but she fell asleep.

    1. tera says:

      You are an awesome hubby…way to support your wife!

  153. Jodi Lewis says:

    I’m a SAHM of five kids ages nine and under, with the last two boys being sixteen months apart (what have we done?:) I enjoyed your post. I actually didn’t see the original I Phone thing and actually don’t have an I Phone (I’m technologically very behind…) but I really enjoy blogging. I use it as a sort of family history, keeping track of our lives. I take maybe fifteen minutes to a half hour at different spurts throughout the day to read other blogs I follow or update mine. A lot of days, I actually end up getting on late in the night or in the early hours of the morning because my day was so crazy (like right now for instance:) It stings when I hear things like…”How do you find the time to keep your blog updated? I guess I’m just busy living life…” Why does me updating my blog once every two weeks or so mean I’m somehow not actually “living” my life? Or not as “important” as someone else who chooses to spend their time in some other way? We all have 24 hours and we all have a choice in how we are going to spend our time (the time we’re not working etc.) If spending time updating my blog helps me feel connected or replenished, YAY for me! If moms spending time on their phone helps them – YAY for them! My children bring me oodles of joy. I smile and giggle and thoroughly enjoy them so much of the time, but I also lock myself in my bedroom sometimes in order to make sure they stay alive! Everything in life that is worthwhile comes with a price. Motherhood has a very high price! It’s tough and I agree so much that we should stop judging each other and say, YAY for you that you found something to help you today! If we try to be wise with our time – moderation in all things – everyone, most especially our kids, will be just fine! YAY for us!:)

  154. Kelli (baseline on screen) says:

    thank you. The other issue I find so neglected is that why is the onus ways on moms?! what about dads? soo many dads only take half responsibility and society pretty much says eh that’s fine. it’s not okay, especially not when so much pressure is put on us moms to be so perfect.

  155. AubrielleP says:

    Amen! I suffer from mom guilt too. Those articles don’t help, especially when they don’t take into consideration the wide variety of circumstances we all face. I have three children, under 4, who suffer from SPD. Every single day is completely overwhelming and exhausting. Let’s give each other a break!

  156. Laura says:

    Fantastic! Thank you. It’s not like every mother without or before iPhones paid attention 100% of the time. It’s just easy to poke at iPhone mums, possibly because of jealousy, I don’t know.
    All I really know, is that only the truly perfect mother can cast the first stone of judgement, and I am not her.
    Thank you again for this.

  157. MamaGrows says:

    I Love this…Thank You

  158. Kim says:

    Thank you!!! My thoughts exactly!!!

  159. Thank you for this. I had read that article and was thinking exactly this while reading it. Thanks for putting it into words!

  160. Denise Bruce of Ingleside says:

    Wow! You said it so perfectly! So nice to hear for a change πŸ™‚

    The beginning had me wondering, but I see those twirls and I look when asked lol

    Great job! Xoxo

  161. TheSeize says:

    I posted a comment in defense of this anonymous/fictitious mom on Facebook this past week. I’m not even a mom (at least not yet) and I’m already tired of the amount of shaming that I see pregnant women and others face. It’s become normal and accepted to constantly judge them and their decisions for something as simple (and open ended) as looking at their phone in public.

  162. curiositycat says:

    Thank you thank you thank you. I’m so glad someone said this. I wanted to write this too, but I knew I was not the right person to write it because I was so ANGRY. I am not a good writer when I am angry. You wrote it beautifully. Perfectly. Thank you. Also. I’m going to start making a point to notice & let other moms know when I see them doing good things. Which is all the time, every day.

  163. Bonnie says:

    Thank you for posting this. I’m a SAHM with 4kids, from 9 yrs to 6 weeks old. The two oldest are my step kids and are with their mom primarily, so that leaves me with a temperamental 3 yr old and an infant that will not let me put her down. I’m also a full time student going school online. I get criticized by my mother frequently, and sometimes even by my husband for sending my toddler out into the backyard so I can have a few moments to re-energize by trolling Facebook or playing an online game for a few moments. I can’t use naptime or bedtime to do that because that’s when I do homework. I always feel guilty for taking”me time” to shower or pee in peace. Thank you again.

  164. Vicki says:

    Loved this!!!! So well said. Thanks from the Grammys that take care of the kids while Mom and Dad are at work!

  165. snapeatrun says:

    Great perspective. I am hard enough on myself without taking on criticism from others. Every single one of us has a different approach to parenting, and the great thing is – it’s ok!

  166. Katie says:

    Can i get an AMEN to that! ? So much truth in this. Mommas need a break sometimes.

  167. AmenSister says:

    Thank you!!!!! So well written and much needed.

  168. I like your point about kids needing to know the universe does not revolve around them. Very nice article. PS I am writing this with my iPhone as my kid plays by himself. πŸ˜‰

  169. tera says:

    Rock on! Best rant I’ve read in a long time and thank you for giving a voice to all guilt-ridden moms everywhere, including myself. You, my friend, are *AWESOME*.

  170. ChristineMM says:

    Yes, yes!
    I blog, I tweet, I FB, I Instagram. Little escapes.

    -Homeschool mom to sons aged 15 & 12

  171. kristy says:

    Simply put, thank you. This was very refreshing and much needed!!

  172. One thing I’m passionate about as a physician (who primarily sees Moms and Kids) is to try to facilitate health and healing in the lives of families AWAY from the guilt that is so pervasive in this culture. There are so many ways to feel guilty about being a parent. It is horrible! Thank you for your post – we as Moms don’t need any more reasons to feel guilty. Checking our e-mail in the first 30 second break we have shouldn’t be one of them!

  173. Jo says:

    This was a FANTASTIC post. All the way through it I was internally saying, “that’s right. Yes! You got it. ”
    Thank you so much for writing it. I have felt lately that thd Internet is filled with negativity lately and it’s driving me crazy. Why do we have this tool of information and instant connectivity if only to criticize and bring each other down? I have six kids and twice a week I take them to the park while one of the girls has piano lessons. But that is my Pinterest time and I will no longer care about poignant looks from strangers who think I should Be playing tag. They have siblings, dang it, and even if they didn’t, kids can play independently at times. It’s a life skill and everyone needs to develop it. Otherwise we’d all be dependent on iPhones to feed us with entertainment. πŸ˜‰
    And yes, I read/ typed this on my iPhone.

  174. Carrie says:

    SAHM/WAHM/homeschooling mom here. AMEN. Thank you for putting it so well!

  175. OMG. Cracking up. Love this. I’m a freelance writer, and I’ve been pitching an idea for months now for an article on why smartphones make us better parents, for pretty much exactly this reason. Oddly enough, haven’t been able to find a magazine that wants to buy this article. πŸ˜‰

    But you might like my blog.

  176. I agree! I was a SAHM with no technology (I’m a Gma now) and lived in an isolated small town. It was horrible even at the park, and no cell phones or social media then!

    Now I’m grateful to be a (very small) part of a great online women’s ministry that shares a lot of grace; (in)courage. There lots of women, in all phases of life and all ages (in)courage you to be the best you can be through spilled milk (on the freshly mopped floor) and everything else. We know.

    Even those childless ones have their own Community Groups, because they need (in)courage too! There really is something for everyone!

    On April 26/27 is our virtual conference, (in)RL, for getting together online, then face to face in Real Life. It’s free. Ladies will meet in neighborhoods all around the globe to be encouraged online through great speakers. Over cupcakes or hummus…whatever you like!
    Join us at and learn more at the tab on the upper right. Join in on the party!

  177. Jill Freestone says:

    Nicely said. There is a blog that is saying just what you are asking about. Its Rachel marie martin. Check out her Dear Mom letters – she’s all about getting rid of mom guilt and loving and accepting us as mothers.

    1. krys593 says:

      I love it! I have actually come across her blog before and really appreciated it :). Thanks for sharing!

  178. Mariela says:

    Omg! Thank u! Nice to know I’m not the only one who feels that! Greetings from AUstria!

  179. Mary Ann says:

    Beautifully written! I really wish that all moms out there realized that the first person they need to take care of is themselves. They need to make time to shower, have a quiet cup of tea, knit, or read (whatever gives them a break). This should be a priority everyday! If you make a priority to give yourself a break you will be a better mom and you will feel better too. The saying, “if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” couldn’t be more true.

    Please, please, please, take time for yourselves! Have a Mom’s night out once a month, join a book club, have a glass of wine and a hot bath daily after bedtime. The folding, the cleaning, the preparing can wait 30 min! Realize that you are a person too and you deserve some time just like everyone else.

    Hugs to all the moms out there who are all in all, in the same boat! Grab your oars ladies their is a lot of paddling ahead but please take the time to put on your own life vests before assisting the others!

  180. Mary Ann says:

    The other thing…kids learn and benefit from being a bit independent at the park. There is a lot to be said for learning how to problem solve by yourself with peers, entertain yourself and find pride in your own accomplishments (such as swinging from the monkey bars) without mom having to be your cheerleader, mom isn’t your playmate and your friend 24/7 (the world doesn’t revolve around you) and discover that you CAN do something without mom right nearby.

  181. Lisa says:

    I love this! I saw the article you mentioned and thought to myself the same things you wrote! I am with my kids 24/7 because I homeschool. If people see me at the park on my iPad, they don’t realize that I just devoted 4-6 hours of constant contact with my kids. Mama needs a break!! πŸ™‚

  182. Renee says:

    I love this! Absolutely could not agree more!

  183. Lateria says:

    Thank you! As a SAHM to 3 who also homeschools and is pregnant with #4 I need those breaks every now and again.
    So true what you said about being alone with the kids all day and not having an adult to converse with. FB or texting becomes my 2 minute outlet.
    Some days I take my kids to the park and run around with them, other days I just sit and catch a breath for as long as my 18 month old allows.

  184. retromodernmom says:

    Whoever wrote this article I want to know you. You are the kind of friend I want and need in my life. I read this while nursing my second baby and the hubby and toddler napped and I cried. Now I am going to make a coffee date with a girlfriend and not feel guilty about it. Thank you!

  185. tameramabama says:

    I love this! Thanks for sharing it!!

  186. I love this so much! Thanks for your words!

  187. Mussins the SAHM says:

    Just wanted to say thanks!!!!!

  188. Hayley says:

    I LOVE this! Beautifully written!

  189. tina says:

    Thank you! Especially since my almost 5 year old said to me (while trying to extend his bedtime) tonight “you never play with me & it breaks my hearrrrrrrrt!”
    Oh. Drama.

  190. Cassiopeia says:

    I think people need to get a reality check. In the past, kids would run out of the house and play all day with their friends, away from their parents. I don’t understand why, just 1 or 2 generations later, parents (and especially mothers) are lambasted because they’re not hovering enough. When we were little, we didn’t tell our parents we were bored because they didn’t care. We found ways to amuse and entertain ourselves (and in the process, we were learning not only about our world but about ourselves). So people who are judging need to get a clue.They also need to get a life because obviously they are bored. It would also be nice if mothers saw other mothers as their allies rather than someone they need to compete against.

  191. Cassiopeia says:

    I think people need to get a reality check. In the past, kids would run out of the house and play all day with their friends, away from their parents. I don’t understand why, just 1 or 2 generations later, parents (and especially mothers) are lambasted because they’re not hovering enough. When we were little, we didn’t tell our parents we were bored because they didn’t care. We found ways to amuse and entertain ourselves (and in the process, we were learning not only about our world but about ourselves). So people who are judging need to get a clue.They also need to get a life because obviously they are bored. It would also be nice if mothers saw other mothers as their allies rather than someone they need to compete against.

    1. Cassiopeia says:

      Oops! Sorry for the redundant comment. :-\

  192. The Brouwers says:

    Perfect. I will be posting some “give a sister a break” posts this week. We need this πŸ™‚

  193. What I don’t understand is the guilt. Why does anyone allow some random FB “open letter” to make them feel guilty if they are doing the best that they can? There is no condemnation in Christ. And frankly, we all judge; some judge the young mom with no wedding ring and 3 little kids at Wal-mart, others judge the mom who’s sipping her coffee while her child is running around grabbing the other kids’ toys, and still others judge the mom with the $2000 stroller, heels, designer purse, Starbucks and nanny. The “open letter to the iPhone mom” person judged, but then again, so do you and I and every other mom I know. Some are louder than others, but we are all guilty of this sin. IMHO, it’s just better to be confident that you are doing the best that you can, and live your life with no regrets.

    And yeah, I’m on my iPhone too. A lot. But I don’t actually need anyone to tell me that it’s okay, or that I shouldn’t feel guilty, because I don’t. I stand by my choices and I am happy to disagree with others with different opinions, without letting it shake the foundation of who I am or cause me to question what I do.

    But that’s just me.

  194. Carrie says:

    You took the words right out of my mouth… Or at least my head. I was going to leave a comment on the article you referred to but I couldn’t figure out how to word it without sounding like a defensive “mom on her iPhone.” I definitely need to stay aware and make sure I’m not on my email or texting at the wrong times or too often. But the park is my sanity!! I definitely need a break now and then. I even push my kids on the swing at home! The park is THEIR time. And mine. Thanks for showing me I’m not the only one.

  195. Donna says:

    You never know another person’s situation. I don’t spend all my time at my kids’ events on my phone. However, with a deployed husband who can only communicate when he gets up in the morning or before he goes to bed at night on the other side of the world, sometimes it happens that he is calling or sending messages during a practice or event. And then I, knowing he is there and listening, will be sending pics and updates on what the kids are doing at that moment. And all the while I feel like people are thinking I’m a bad mom instead of what I am trying to be, which is a good wife trying to help her husband be a good dad. And, like the other commenter, I homeschool my kids so I am with them 24/7. So if I am using my waiting time doing something the family needs done, it sometimes happens. But you just missed the 5 hours I spent entirely focused on my children and their education.

  196. cheriak says:

    Thank you! This is SO incredibly needed for Mom’s to hear. The guilt… the scrutiny… the iPhone!! You have made me a little bit lighter and happier today. XOX

  197. Becca says:

    OH MY GOSH, YES! I agree! Wholeheartedly! I’m so tired of posts about the “right” way to parent-from how you should birth a baby, to how you should feed them, and so on. Why do people feel the need to push their ideas on others anyway? Such a greatΒ article. Thank you!

  198. Elyce Howden says:

    I love it…..Thank you for inspiring mums everywhere xo

  199. Love. This post. Couldnt agree more! But you should like on fb and you can get some of those uplifting posts into your day! Xo keep up the great work. You’re not alone!

  200. This is a wonderfully refreshing post. Thank you! Just think: our smart phones are our communication device, newspaper, magazine, TV, crossword puzzle, note pad, grocery list, diary and music player. I can remember my mom taking little breaks throughout the day to do these activities, and us five kids were perfectly happy to play individually for a bit. I want to be FULLY engrossed in being present with my babies most of the time, but I also want to ensure that I take care of myself mentally, spiritually and emotionally by taking some breaks!

  201. Rebecca says:

    I am that iPhone mum. Thanks for this article. X

  202. Amanda Wright says:

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! From one SAHM to another I appreciate your brilliant reply to this topic, and for Sharing it! Every single word…. Was so true. Thanks for standing up in our defense. I no longer feel guilty about any quick moment I have or spend on a “technology outlet”.

  203. Mandy says:

    Thank you for this. This is AWESOME! I’m so sick of the mommy guilt. Every mom I know is already well aware of where they are “lacking” (which they really aren’t, but mommy guilt comes when that stick turns pink). We don’t need reminders dressed up in beautiful pictures and curly fonts. All moms, whether SAHMs, working moms, new moms, empty-nesters … we are the shapers of the future, and that takes WORK. So Mom, take a break, and don’t feel guilty about it. πŸ™‚

  204. Tammy says:

    Thank you so much for this post. I’m a SAHM and I try to be present each day with my daughter, but I know for sure that I’m a better mother and a happier human being when I steal even a few minutes for myself – and yes, often that involves checking my phone. Let’s stop suffocating mothers with unrealistic ideals of ‘perfection’ and start encouraging their super-human efforts to parent well.

  205. Thank you! I had been ranting to a friend about that mom’s on the phone letter, saying exactly what you said. I really appreciate you writing about it!

  206. Allie says:

    I’m not a mom, so while I saw the “Dear mom on the iPhone…” email I never said anything about it, but I SOOOOO totally agree with what you said here. Honestly, I have been waiting for someone to write a rebuttal. This is amazing. My sister is a home-schooling SAHM as are many of my friends and I agree that they need encouragement over guilt every day!! Thanks for this!

  207. dawnbc3 says:

    Wow! That was a great post. I started the article on the judgemental side thinking about the poor children, trying so desperately to get their mother’s attention for a moment at the part. As I read through the article, my judgement changed! I am a work from home mom and there are days when I spend entirely too much time in front of the laptop trying to get some work done, but there are equally as many days of snuggling, coloring, puzzles, playing with toys. My daughter is very attached to me, her dad works out of town and the only time that I can have a shower by myself is late at night, after she’s in bed and most of the time I’m just too exhausted! Thank you for pointing out that there definitely are 2 sides to everything and we do need more positive encouragement in the world! πŸ™‚

  208. Tally says:

    THANK YOU!!! I have 4 kids under the age of 6 (no multiples) and am a SAHM. I have always had the worst guilt conscience, even since childhood! It’s wonderful to have some support rather than another article to cause guilt! So, thank you!!

  209. Elizabeth says:

    I did enjoy reading this and it was timely, as I had just read the piece on Facebook that you referenced. But, I still feel that there was judgement placed even if you didn’t mean it. By the very comparison of SAHM vs. the ‘working mom’ you implied that the working mom somehow gets that break by gossiping with co-workers and laughing at a memo – I felt that part trivialized the working mom. That all we do is fill our time during the work day with laughter. Far from the truth. While I am at work, I am juggling all my daily tasks, along w/ having to check in with daycare and make sure I have meals, etc. planned for the week ahead so we have some family time at the end of the long day. I run a household AND hold down a full time job. I do not have time to laugh at memos. I have enough time to make sure I get what I need done, usually on less than a full night’s sleep as I still tend to the baby at night and run on HER schedule despite what my working schedule is. I don’t have the luxury of staying late like my co-workers to finish projects. I have to balance taking time off for doctor’s appointments and sick children, while still keeping up with the demands at work. So if I am caught sneaking away at my iPhone, I too am catching up on personal correspondences or checking the news b/c Monday through Friday, from 6am to 9pm, I live for that baby and the demands of everyone else that needs me. Yes, this IS the life I chose – I am in no way complaining. I realized the challenge and accepted the notion that it isn’t simply a one-income world anymore.

    But when every support center or “mom” related article I come across pits SAHMs vs. the working mom, I get that same “mom guilt” that you wrote about. I’ve never responded to a blog post before, and I’m not sure what I’m trying to accomplish, other than asking that ALL moms be treated the same, no matter where their “work” places them.

    1. Good for you Elizabeth!!! I don’t know how you do it, I really don’t. I’m a SAHM and there are days that I am run ragged trying to keep up with the kids and the dog and all the housework, but even when I’m overwhelmed by it all, I think ‘How would I ever balance this life if I were working too?!’ Granted, if I were working, there would be no kids at home to make the messes that I’m cleaning up throughout the day, but laundry and dishes and yard work and cooking dinner and regular cleaning still need to be done. When do you have time to grocery shop? I mean, it has to be hard and it’s inspiring that you are balancing it and I commend you for that. You are a strong mom and though I don’t know you, I think you’re doing an awesome job!

    2. krys593 says:


      I’ve been so behind and overwhelmed in responding to comments, but I had to respond to yours immediately because I want to apologize. It makes me sad to think that from this post you would feel judged or feel any kind of mom guilt for working. That is not at all the message I wanted to give or how I wanted it to come across. I have so many working mom friends (most of my mom friends work actually), and I believe that in many ways, what you do is harder! I give you a huge cheers and “good job!” for balancing all of the things that you do. I also have felt really frustrated and discouraged when SAHMs and working moms are pinned against each other, so I am heartbroken to see that this came across that way at all. I was just speaking from a SAHM perspective because that is my experience. When I gave the example of laughing at work and connecting with co-workers, I actually didn’t have working moms in mind. I was thinking of your average non-parent in the workplace, and just wanted to communicate that SAHMs need comradery and need to feel like they have co-workers too. I didn’t mean for that to imply anything negative about working moms. I even mentioned things about how moms shouldn’t feel guilty about working and daycare, and how moms need to hear, “Hey mom who is working to provide for your family, good job!” because I wanted it to be clear that I am for and not against every mama out there trying her best. My every intention was to encourage moms, whether they work or not. Again, I apologize if it came off otherwise. I ask your forgiveness, and am telling you honestly that I admire all that you do!

  210. V says:

    I’m on my 3rd child. I’m worn out from scrapbooking, video taping, playing with my first two. My 3rd won’t know the difference. In fact, she is on my phone downloading apps for me.

    Haha, before you all attack me, I’m kidding.

    Great article. Wasn’t the article that you were responding to written by a man? He was too busy watching sports to notice the 22 hours we were actively engaged with our children and happened to look up from Sportscenter to see his wife on the phone.

  211. Kayla H says:


  212. As the SAHM, I say kudos to you! All of us need to hear this…Not just moms, but dads too, working or stay-at-home parents alike. Judgmental, critical people are absolutely everywhere. I may go to bed at night, thinking of all the stuff I did wrong, but I also reflect on everything I did right. And even if it was the worst day, I fall asleep knowing that I’m doing the best that I can as a parent, regardless of what people have to say about it. What upsets me is that it’s usually strangers who are the most judgmental, who are only seeing the book’s cover and who have no room to write a report when they haven’t even read the pages. When I see other parents out, who are dragging screaming kids out to the car, I don’t judge, I sympathize. Because just last week that was me and it will probably happen again tomorrow. And it’s not because I’m a terrible parent, it’s because I’m a good parent, who didn’t give in to the kid’s meltdown about the candy at the register. I don’t feel the instinct to go over there and tell the parent what they should be doing, I just want to give them a hug. They definitely need the encouragement and I think it’s so important that we rally together as parents, to lift one another up.

    And I second any comment that was already posted that might have mentioned Rachel Martin’s blog (there are too many comments to scroll through, so my apologies if I’m repeating this). She is an incredibly inspiring blogger who lifts my spirits on a daily basis. I go back regularly and read her Dear Mom letters, just as a reminder that I’m not alone in the world of motherhood and I feel so encouraged. Her blogs have been an absolute blessing in my life.

  213. EM says:

    I get the feeling that this is the sort of blog that deletes comments just because the person had a different opinion, but I’m going to write this anyway:

    The original open letter is not about how mothers should never take time for themselves, or how they should always feel guilty if they do, etc. It’s about not prioritizing your meaningless internet crap above your kids. If your son yells, “Mom, watch me!” it only takes a minute to look up and watch him — those facebook posts are still going to be there when you’re done — and by watching him you will have given your son the chance to show off for you, which probably boosted his self-confidence, and reassured him that Mom is someone that he can count on. If a woman can’t be bothered to look up, then she sends the message that she doesn’t care about her children or the things that are important to them.

    1. krys593 says:

      I have not been deleting negative comments, I only deleted an especially nast one made toward another commenter. I don’t think yours is nasty at all, and you have the freedom to voice that! Thanks for commenting.

  214. Tml says:

    Good points. I’d also add its important for kids to have unstructured play. But, if they are asking for attention, we should try to give it to them as much as possible.

  215. Carrie says:

    Thank you thank you for this post! I was a SAHM for ten years, beginning in 1999. I had no facebook and no quick texting. I was LONELY. I talked on the phone with my sister for an hour a day, just to keep me sane. 4 kids, home alone…it was exhausting and lonely. When facebook arrived I found community! People I knew, struggling with the same things, or just diversions from the moments of insanity when one child pees on another’s head, or they colored on the wall!

    Life has transformed somewhat for me. All my kiddos are in school. I’m opening a business. My iPhone allows me to take the precious few moments I have – the 20 minutes before the 2nd grade play starts, the 60 minutes all 3 girls are in tumbling- to respond to the bank, the contractor, my mom. I can leave the building and be home when they get off the bus. BECAUSE I AM AN iPHONE MOM. I get to be there, with them, for them, when otherwise I would be gone. Granted, I do put my phone down at dinner, when we are reading books, etc. but if they’re staring at the TV, mama is probably working. Cuddled up right next to them. πŸ™‚

  216. Angela says:

    Love this! Esp. after reading the original iphone thing and feeling guilty!!

  217. Jessica says:

    Thank you for this. We all need to hear now and again!!!

  218. Holla! You absolutely deserve all the acclaim you will get as this goes viral. Thank you for articulating these thoughts so beautifully!

  219. Katie says:

    Amen sister! Thank you for this. Spot on.

  220. Yes! Thank you for writing this. I homeschool my boys, who at 12 and 16 are now both independent enough to take themselves to the park with friends when they want to go. I spent 24/7 with them for many years, and I don’t regret a day of playing Legos and pretend, reading stories, having adventures in nature together. I also don’t regret the days when I took them to the park to play for a couple of hours so I could work on a chapter of my book. And they both know that if they ever need anyone to watch them swing from a jungle gym or twirl in a dress (or design a car or accept an award or practice a song), I’ll be there in a heartbeat.

  221. Levi Wallach says:

    I think this just goes along with the standard tennet of don’t judge others. Especially others you don’t even know. For whatever reason, it seems much easier for people to judge and complain about other people’s behavior than to applaud or just give support to people who are obviuosly in need of it. It’s really sad, but you look at comments online and 3/4 of them are negative because people want to “vent” about something or other. Could be that this is based in sexism, but I don’t know. I can see the same comment being made about a guy doing the same thing. Then again, the stereotype is for women to be more nurturing, so if they aren’t paying 100% attention to their child, they must be a bad mom, whereas the guy, is… just being a dumb guy. Still a stereotype, but one that’s just taken as a given/excuse for behavior that’s not optimal. That being said, I do think in general we all need to put down our electronic devices when with our kdis as a goal so that we can be more “present” with them. I’m as guilty as anyone, but try my best. I know how hard it is, whatever your gender is, but even so it’s hard not to judge someone not paying attention to their kid in favor of an inanimate object. Trust me, there were be plenty of time when they are teenagers that they will want nothing to do with you! πŸ™‚ You will have lots of time to look at your screen then. Even before we had electronic devices though, we had tv, and before then we had books, and before books I’m sure we had various games or other diversions that gave us a break from the constant job of parenting. Parenting is a job and it’s not an easy one. If you think it is, you’re either doing it wrong, or you’re not doing it (just being a backseat driver for someone else’s parenting). As exhausting as it can be, it would be unsustainable without some momentary breaks for sanity. Being there 100% of the time for your child is a nice ideal, but that’s about all it is. It’s not realistic (for humans) and if you claim to be perfect like this with your own kids, then please let us know and we will quickly beatify you! πŸ˜‰

  222. Sharon says:

    Way to hit that mail on that head. I cannot count the number of times this month I have said “It’s not ALL about YOU!” Oh my gosh. I repeat – this is when you do something for someone because it makes THEM happy. Will share, share, share.

  223. CCPadi says:

    My husband has been working away from home, only coming home once a month for a few days or less for the past year. I just had my baby girl in Dec and am still not completely healed from the birth, and I have 4 and 6 year old boys. Being a SAHM is wonderful, but extreemly stressful too. I HAVE to find a few minutes to myself here and there. Frankly it makes me a better mom, it’s near impossible to be the loving kind understanding fun mom you want to be when you’re tired, stressed, covered in spit up, ect. Thanks for your words of support, unfortunately moms don’t hear them nearly as often as they need to!

  224. mrsdkmiller says:

    Very poignant, especially your insight that children don’t need to grow up believing that they are the center of the universe.

  225. John Hinton says:

    “Even if it is in the name of godly conviction.”

    Godly conviction is the Holy Spirits job. Not ours. As a guy, much less a guy without children, I can honestly say I don’t fully relate. But appreciate the need for affirmation, positive words, and encouragement in most any situation, and therefore I whole heartedly agree. Thanks for sharing, I am sure your posts reach many more people than just those that make the time to comment. πŸ˜€

  226. Rachel says:

    I had the same feelings you had when reading that original “iphone mom” article. And then you worded my feelings so perfectly! Thanks for posting this. Really. It needs to be said and you did such a great job of saying it.

  227. I agree! Thanks for posting this! I get lots of mommy encouragement from this blog:

  228. armywife077 says:

    I am that Mom on the playground sitting on a bench, talking on the phone. What you don’t know about me is that I am a SAHM with 3 preschool age children, and on many days, those phone calls may be the only adult conversation I have all day. And frankly, that time is the only time where I can talk on the phone for more than 2 minutes without being interrupted with requests to rebuild Legos, refill milk cups, play with princesses, or the thousands of other requests/demands that 3 toddlers have. And I am a military wife, which means I live far away from my family, and the phone is the only way I have to keep in touch with my mom and dad, my teenage sister, and my brothers. And while I am on the phone, rest assured, I see the dirty looks, but you know what? I am a good mother. I see my children, and am not going to let them bully others, leave my line of sight, or otherwise casue trouble. I will know if they get hurt, and I will handle it. The car ride to the playground was filled with conversations about how God made the trees (or clouds, or Daddy…etc). Or maybe we talked about how Peter waled on the water, but we can’t walk on water…..Or maybe we sang Jesus Loves Me, or Veggie Tales, or the Mickey Mouse song. But the playground is my place for a breather. I go almost every day that weather permits. Somedays, I play. But honestly, mostly, that’s about as close to “me” time as I get, Thank you for this article – I appreciate someone who is willing to see the “rest of the story”. πŸ™‚

  229. Dude. Seriously.

    I had a similar thought, though less cheery and supportive–

    But the larger problem, and it’s a cultural one that each mom has to take a stand on, is why in the heck we care so much about what a stranger thinks of our parenting. We all worry too much.

    We’ve become Stuart Smalley.

  230. Heidi says:

    Thank you for this! I am a part-time working mom (which really means I have two full-time jobs, as other moms know!) and it is so encouraging to read as I get ready to become a SAHM and am tempted to give in to the mommy-guilt…it tells me that once I quit working I will need to spend every single minute with my son and I need the reminders that I’ll need “me-time” once I’m home, too. πŸ™‚ Blessings!

  231. AMay says:

    From a 32 week pregnant SAHM of (almost) 3 who is constantly struggling with mommy guilt, this made me cry, thank you.

  232. hoffmans2006 says:

    Yes! Thank you!!! My favorite is when the admonishments come from people withOUT children of their own. πŸ˜‰

  233. Melody Knapp says:

    Thank you! This is awesome.

  234. Thank you for this! I was on the playground this weekend and the “iPhone mom” post haunted me as I checked my Facebook. But you know what? My kid was gleefully swinging, feet trying to touch the sky. She saw my thumbs-up seven times. I knew where she was, what she was doing, and I had absolute certainty that she was happy and safe. I took my time to relax and giggle at some silly status updates. And I am as good a mom as anyone else.

  235. Dude. Seriously.

    I had a similar thought, though less cheery and supportive–

    But the larger problem, and it’s a cultural one that each mom has to take a stand on, is why in the heck we care so much about what a stranger thinks of our parenting. We all worry too much.

    We’ve become Stuart Smalley.

  236. Lynne says:

    Thank you so much. Came through a friend on Facebook and this really made my day. I’m not a SAHM. I’m a mom with two jobs who sometimes has to work from home because the nanny called off, or school was cancelled for snow, or someone has a dentist appointment, or whatever other Life Thing happened. I work 50+ hours per week between my 2 jobs and I *am* the mom on the iPhone at baseball practice, at the playground, at the preschool picnic, etc. Because if it weren’t for that technology, I would not be able to attend those things at all. Do I have enough mother guilt? Yes, yes I do. I have plenty. I would much rather be enjoying my kids and not missing their milestones. But some of us don’t have a choice, and we do the best we can with what we have.

  237. Christina says:

    Thank you! Thank you, thank you!

    As a mother of three who has had opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom as well as a work-two-jobs-to-support-the-children-all-by-myself mom, I am glad to finally hear some common sense.

  238. Jill says:

    Well gosh, my feelings about this are all over the place! Lol! I do stay home with my kids and felt a big sigh of relief that someone actually put into words things that I don’t think I’ve even verbalized myself! On the other hand, many times I’ve commented about how upset I am when I see that parent sitting in a restaurant , face in the phone, while their child is trying their best to get the parent’s attention but instead ends up with a look of sadness and defeat. (Although, being honest, it’s usually a dad that I end up feeling disappointed in).

  239. kathrynholly says:

    When I ‘signed up’ to have children, there were no cellphones, personal computers, etc.. I looked forward to Focus on the Family via radio every day. My babies wore cloth diapers…we survived.

  240. graysmatter says:

    Wow. I’m assuming this comment is gonna be deleted given the pattern, but might as well.

    Cannot believe the amount of people who seem to think that wrapping your identity so much in being a mom that you deal with “mom guilt” every day is totally cool.
    Cannot believe the number of people who think ignoring your child so that you can write a Facebook message is cool.
    Cannot believe the sheer amount of selfishness involved in “it’s *my* time, and I want it waaaaaaaah”. Why did you have a child if you were not willing to accept the responsibility involved in having one?
    Lastly, perhaps it would be better if you drew your identity from Jesus rather than it being wrapped up in your “successes” as moms. I am a father of one child who has an amazing mother.
    Thanks for this post though, and for all the comments – I am especially grateful for my wife now that I have read how the other half seems to live. Good luck with your children in the future. And by children, I mean your flesh and blood, not your IPhones!

    1. krys593 says:

      I’m not going to delete your comment :). I promise I have only deleted one comment and that was because it had profanity in it and was nasty toward another commenter. I’m not going to delete your voice. You are welcome to share a differing opinion.

    2. kathrynholly says:

      I agree with you. It’s a ‘me’ world… :/

  241. I agree. As a mother of dour with each one born in four different decades those being 1978, 1989.1995. 2003 it just makes me feel less guilty as I’m an over protective mom and as you can see there is quite an age difference in all four of mine and I wouldn’t have it any other way, it seems some people judge with no idea of what it’s like not to have a moment to yourself, of course I’d rather have them than that moment, but why not both. Us moms need to stick together.

  242. James says:

    YYYYYYYYYYYYYY [That’s the closest my meager keyboard illustration skills can come to representing a standing ovation.]

    There’s so much that is well said here, but I think my favorite, and perhaps the essence of your message is: “Stop judging her parenting for one mili-second.” I actually read this initially (and maybe that’s how you meant it?) as “Stop judging her on/by one millisecond.” Stop judging her (and everyone else) based on millisecond snapshots you have of her (and their) life (ves). There is too much of this (especially on Facebook, which you reference) going around. For all we know, the mother on her iPhone is posting the picture or video she just took of her daughter “spinning round and round, making her dress twirl” to share it with the spouse or family members that are not there to experience it as often as she is or to record it so that her daughter can see herself doing it later–I know that I, and my wife, spend a lot of time doing that kind of thing. And isn’t it interesting that the person espousing the judgement has the time to do it on a Facebook account?

    You’re right: mothers, parents, people need to hear more cheers and fewer jeers.

  243. PlainJame says:

    Love this and shared it. If I could hug you – I totally would. A-freakin-men!

    1. krys593 says:

      ( ) <– That's a hug right back :). Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!

  244. Steev Kappesser says:

    As a father of 4 and Grandpa of 6, I can only gently advise you to ignore the shallow criticism of others. Grow a couple layers of callous! Based on your rant, obviously this subject pushed a big button on you! Let it pass, don’t waste your time fretting & responding to what other people think.

    1. krys593 says:

      Thank you. Seriously, for such encouragement to come from a Grandpa of 6 was just such a gift to my soul. I used to be in full time ministry and I remember someone telling me that to be in ministry you need to have a “soft heart, and tough skin.” I didn’t realize that would also be true of motherhood and blogging :). Thank you for sharing your wise counsel with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

  245. krys593 says:

    Wow, I have been so overwhelmed, humbled, and blessed by how many reads and responses this post received! I wrote it with my usual hundred or so readers in mind, most of whom I know, thinking it would be a gift to those who don’t have a voice; a gift to the sweet, fabulous moms I know who never feel like they’re doing a good enough job when I know they really are. I had no idea when I wrote this that it would be reaching all corners of the US and other countries as well! I have enjoyed reading the responses and feeling like so many of us have connected, encouraging and supporting one another.

    I am now going to close the comments on this post, simply because I cannot keep up with all of them anymore. At this point, not being able to comment is not going to stop someone who would write an encouraging remark from liking and benefiting from the post; and any negative comments that would be made attacking me or others are not helpful to anyone.

    Thank you for taking the time to read!

  246. BT says:

    I don’t know who your friends are, but if all they’re posting and sharing is criticism, you need to find new friends. I don’t have any kids, but all my friends with kids post mommy-related stuff all the time, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a negative post or share from them unless it was discussing their true exhaustion.
    Living in the modern age, I have seen young mothers wrestle with the idea of actually being a mom and putting their social life on hold to take care of their children, and happen to know a few cases personally of moms who neglect their children so that they can stay in touch with their friends the same way they did before they had kids. They don’t believe in birth control, or the child was a mistake, so they keep popping out babies, and the children fall into second place status as the mom tries to go shopping, out for drinks, or just sit around ignoring the children while texting or facebooking. And it’s disheartening. But more than that, it’s destructive.
    “Dear iPhone Mom” seems to be a personal account, something that the writer witnessed. And as much as you’re saying s/he doesn’t understand the POV of the iPhone mom, you have no idea what the witness’s true POV is either. Maybe they were a neglected child? Maybe they were in foster care and are jealous to see a mother who doesn’t seem to be appreciating the precious time she has with her little ones.
    As someone who works with children, I know that they feel deeply. The first 7 years of a child’s life are incredibly important, those are the years when their ego and self esteem are developing and they should never ever feel second rate, especially with their guardians/parents. We always have to be careful what we say to and how we treat each other, but particularly when it comes to children, and in the small time they’ve been on this planet, one small moment equals a much bigger percentage. If a child feels unloved for even a moment, that moment can cause feelings of shame that ripple through the rest of their life.
    It doesn’t matter what you’re doing, whether you’re texting or facebooking, whether you’re reading or watching a movie. It takes a second to acknowledge your child, to applaud, to smile at them, even if it’s just to look them in the eye and tell them, “I see that you want my attention, sweetie, but Mommy is in the middle of something. If you give me a minute to get this out of the way, I can give you my full attention, ok?” You let them know that they matter, that you want to be a part of what it is they want to share with you, and you’re telling them that you don’t want to be distracted when you share in their joy.
    There is definitely a precarious balance between staying connected with friends and staying connected with your children. And it’s understandable if you need a break from them. But all it seems “Dear iPhone Mom” was saying is: don’t flat out ignore your children or break their spirits by gluing yourself to your phone and trying to connect with other people. When you’re with your kids, give them your attention, even if it’s just for a second to acknowledge that they want you. Don’t lose out on the moments and the memories happening HERE and NOW.
    I honestly don’t think it was meant to be malicious. And again, if this is all your friends are posting, there must be something they’re connecting with if they feel the need to share it. Maybe you should talk to them about it.

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