Amnesia of the Now

Yesterday was just one of those days.  You know what I’m talking about.  In case you don’t, here’s a glimpse: In the first 10 minutes of nannying, the toilet got clogged and I couldn’t find a plunger anywhere.  One of the cats got out (they’re not supposed to go outside) and I couldn’t find her.  Precious SJ who is usually just happy as can be was having an off day and had 2 big meltdowns yelling for his mom (we think he might be getting more teeth in).  I thought a pool day would make things better.  As I was getting SJ out of his car seat, I basically shut the door on his head. 😦 Poor thing, I felt so awful.  It took about 30 minutes to get both of us ready for the pool (swimsuits, diaper, sunscreen, pool items, etc) and after walking in the miserable 100 degree heat down to the pool, we found out it was closed for the day.  So we headed back home in the heat, and went through another 20 minute ordeal of getting back into our normal gear. SJ decided to let me know he was done with his lunch by throwing his plate on the floor; and because it just wasn’t his day (or mine apparently), he got abnormally upset when I would tell him, “No.”  I thought not taking my allergy medicine the night before was a good idea so I wouldn’t be as groggy in the morning, but it was a terrible idea leading to swollen puffy eyes, a runny nose, and scratchy throat all day.  Coming home later that day, I wanted to be sweet and bring my husband a fountain drink he was craving.  Well as soon as I set it down when I got home, it got knocked over and spilled all over the carpet.  And then the “Check Engine” light came on in the car on our way to dinner…

Have you ever had a day like that?  

Isn’t it crazy how all these little things in life can add up and make us question our sanity and threaten our entire life joy?

Each of the instances listed above in and of themselves are not really that bad if you think about it.  But pile them together, and I had a drama queen attitude where I wasn’t sure I would make it through the day.  I let my mind spiral out of rational control, wondering how we’re going to afford all these baby and life expenses, how I’m going to be a mom, and sunk into a pity party.

My husband often references something our friend Amy Webber once called “Amnesia of the Now.”  It’s where we get so caught up in the moment that we forget what we have ahead of us.  We forget the big picture of life.   It’s so true, isn’t it?  Sometimes I just get so caught up in the little annoyances and unexpected inconveniences that I forget what is really important in life.  I forget who I am and whose I am.

This really struck me today when reading, “Abide in Christ” by Andrew Murray:

“Sometimes there are hours and days of deep earnestness, and even of blessed experience of the grace of God.  But how little is needed to mar their peace, to bring a cloud over the soul! And then, how their faith is shaken!  All efforts to regain their standing appear utterly fruitless, and neither solemn vows, nor watching and prayer, avail to restore them to the peace they for awhile had tasted.  Could they but understand how just their own efforts are the cause of their failure, because it is God alone who can establish us in Christ Jesus.”

That’s a truth bomb right there.  He goes on to say:

“Faith is the ceasing from all nature’s efforts, and all other dependence; faith is confessed helplessness casting itself upon God’s promise, and claiming its fulfilment, faith is the putting ourselves quietly into God’s hands for Him to do His work.”

And further:

“Believer, you cannot but admit that such a life of trust must be a most blessed one.  You say, perhaps, that there are times when you do, with your whole heart, consent to this way of living, and do wholly abandon the care of your inner life to your Father.  But somehow it does not last.  You forget again; and instead of beginning each morning with the joyous transference of all the needs and cares of your spiritual life to the Father’s charge, you again feel anxious, burdened, and helpless.  Is it not, perhaps, my brother, because you have not committed to the Father’s care this matter of daily remembering to renew your entire surrender?”

If you’re interested in further thoughts on this, I am going to shamelessly plug my husband’s sermon from this past Sunday at Grace Community Church.  He preached about Joy in Christ and the crucifixion.  You can listen to it here:

Here’s to finding joy in the midst of chaos! A joy that can only come from above.


One thought on “Amnesia of the Now

  1. Just listened to Jordan’s sermon, Krystal. Encouraged by the greater Hope we have. Listening, too, to a Tim Keller series on Christian Hope. Interesting that the English word “hope” connotes uncertainty, when the Biblical understanding of hope is “a life-shaping, joyous certainty that [our] future is the eternal love and glory of God in a new heaves and new earth.” Pretty amazing.

    p.s. There will no doubt be challenging days ahead as you care for a little one of your own, but know this: You’re going to be an amazing mom.

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